Be Agreeable - Part 3 of 3

Excerpt from:

Bully Proof: The Gift of Self-Esteem

by Chris Leigh-Smith

Illustrations by Sabrina Niebler

...Continued...

Concept 20 Deflective Deterrents

It is a lazy mind that lets the body take a beating.

Mrs. Agreeable

Disarm the Attacker by Not Fighting

The bully pushed her way through the group to Lucinda, throwing one insult after another like daggers at the young girl’s heart. Each insult was deflected easily by Lucinda. After all, they were just words.

“You stupid, lazy, useless, boring loser!” blurted the angry bully.

Smiling, Lucinda mischievously replied, “Thank you for pointing out my most charming qualities.”

The bully looked deflated; none of her abusive comments had reached their mark.

Then Lucinda held out the olive branch, saying, “You can join us losers if you like. We are working on a get-well card for your friend Kathy. I know Kathy would like your name on this card.”

The bully did not choose to join the girls that time. However, Lucinda made the offer of inclusion again and again. Eventually, the bully trusted Lucinda and was welcomed into the circle of friends. It was the first time the bully had felt real friendship in a long time.

Read more about the book here!

We Give Words Power – Part 3 of 3

Excerpt from:

Bully Proof: The Gift of Self-Esteem

by Chris Leigh-Smith

Illustrations by Sabrina Niebler

…continued….

We Give Words Power – Part 3 of 3

Always Second, Never First

The Power of Positive Thought

I trained harder than most of my fellow runners, sometimes twice a day. Even though I worked extremely hard and loved to run, I always came in second or third place, never first. When my races were over I almost always knew that I could have run harder or given the race more effort. I knew that, for some reason, I was holding back. One day, my coach gave us a talk on “weeding the negative thoughts out of our minds.” It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been telling myself before every race that I was not fast enough or fit enough to win; maybe I could come in second, but not first. I put my coach’s words into action the very next race. It was an 800-meter race and I paid attention to my self-talk as it drew near. I did not tell myself that I had to win or be the best, for I have no control over that. I did weed out all my limiting thoughts, like “I am not good enough, not fast enough, and not fit enough.” I replaced them with powerful thoughts of feeling light, quick, strong, and loving to run. It wasn’t about winning the race; it was about performing to my highest potential.

Clear your mind.

It was my best race ever, for at the finish line I knew I had given my all. I came in first place that day. Since then, I have completed many races and have felt great about my efforts and accomplishments regardless of my placement. Now I use this skill of clearing negative or limiting thoughts from my mind all the time.

I’m older now, coaching kids in track and field. I still weed the garden of my mind and teach that skill to anyone who wants to listen.

Read more about the book here!

Understanding Helps

After 10 years with much help from students, parents, family and friends, the Bully Proof book is finally poised to be printed. Over the next few days, we will be releasing excerpts from:

Bully Proof: The Gift of Self-Esteem

by Chris Leigh-Smith

Concept 1

Understanding Helps

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We can shift the goal of bully-proofing from “how to defeat the bully” to “how to defeat our fears and learn from the bully experience.” Ironically, it is the fear within our children that attracts and fuels bullies and their dominating behavior. When we help our children become aware of the role that fear plays in bullying, they can begin to create greater safety and inner peace for themselves.

There are many important concepts and skills that will help children act with greater safety and ease around bullies. The first of these concepts is that the very reason the bully is able to control the child is because of the child’s fear of the bully. A second concept children need to know is that their fear in itself is not the problem; it is what they do with their fear that is. Do we allow fear to direct our thinking and thus our actions, or do we acknowledge fear and use wisdom to guide us?

Displaying fear to the bully encourages the bully to continue their abuse. Kids need to know that they can be afraid and yet project an opposite emotion, like confidence. It is easier to show confidence when the bullied child realizes that the bully mentality is cowardly by nature. The bullies’ strategy is cowardly because bullies seek out potential victims that they perceive as being weaker than themselves. To help children defeat the threat of being bullied and learn and grow stronger from the experience, we must first demystify the bully. Our children can rise from being lost in the mystery to having greater self-mastery when they understand the true nature of bullies, their insecurities and their desperate need for power.

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Read more about the book here!