Understanding Helps

After 10 years with much help from students, parents, family and friends, the Bully Proof book is finally poised to be printed. Over the next few days, we will be releasing excerpts from:

Bully Proof: The Gift of Self-Esteem

by Chris Leigh-Smith

Concept 1

Understanding Helps

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We can shift the goal of bully-proofing from “how to defeat the bully” to “how to defeat our fears and learn from the bully experience.” Ironically, it is the fear within our children that attracts and fuels bullies and their dominating behavior. When we help our children become aware of the role that fear plays in bullying, they can begin to create greater safety and inner peace for themselves.

There are many important concepts and skills that will help children act with greater safety and ease around bullies. The first of these concepts is that the very reason the bully is able to control the child is because of the child’s fear of the bully. A second concept children need to know is that their fear in itself is not the problem; it is what they do with their fear that is. Do we allow fear to direct our thinking and thus our actions, or do we acknowledge fear and use wisdom to guide us?

Displaying fear to the bully encourages the bully to continue their abuse. Kids need to know that they can be afraid and yet project an opposite emotion, like confidence. It is easier to show confidence when the bullied child realizes that the bully mentality is cowardly by nature. The bullies’ strategy is cowardly because bullies seek out potential victims that they perceive as being weaker than themselves. To help children defeat the threat of being bullied and learn and grow stronger from the experience, we must first demystify the bully. Our children can rise from being lost in the mystery to having greater self-mastery when they understand the true nature of bullies, their insecurities and their desperate need for power.

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Read more about the book here!

Bully Proofing Tip: Awareness Helps

We discussed self-esteem as the key element in helping students to bully proof themselves. One concept in aiding youth to build their self-worth / confidence is through awareness of personal strengths. Sit down with your child to identify the character traits that they value and already posses. Asking questions of your child on how they demonstrate these traits can assist in validating and creating awareness of strengths.

The parent can then begin to help their child to identify character traits that they would like to develop, that are not currently being applied in their lives. Again, asking questions of the child on how they could demonstrate these traits is most useful in helping your child develop awareness around their behaviours.
 
Lastly, a technique which yields great parenting results is to view all children's traits as a gift. Traits such as stubbornness or shyness can easily be re-framed into strengths. This way the child gets to see that although stubbornness may be limiting at times, this wilful behaviour can also be a valued strength under the right conditions.

Kids who learn to love who they are, can more easily reshape their limiting traits into qualities that both enhance their lives as well as become a source of personal pride.
 
Make a great moment.
Instructor Chris

Bully Proofing Tip: Self-Esteem

The strongest tool to protect our children from the bully is their self-esteem. The most valuable tool we have to engage life and learn is our evolving self-esteem. Confidence, self-worth, and our level of self-assurance creates a foundation of strength, courage, and logical connection to reality that turns the bullying experience into a learning one.

All steps towards understanding, building, and maintaining self-esteem will positively affect our child’s friendships, academics pursuits and all other activities, while creating resiliency regarding bullying and adversity.

Let the topic of personal worth be kept alive with your children through story-telling, books, and coachable moments. Celebrate the slightest of improvements while drawing awareness to your child’s insecurities in an accepting and loving manner. Being vulnerable and willing to share your own journey regarding self-esteem makes a profound impact on your child.
 
Namaste,
Instructor Chris