Ang is kind, considerate and generous. She’s always thinking of how to help others. Ang also doubts herself and is unsure of her value. Her self-talk reflects fears about her worth. Ang, like us all, is a captive listener to her own thinking. Her negative thoughts reinforce the belief that she is not good enough.
Despite her doubts, she remains a loving person. She manages her fears with goodness which she extends to everyone. Her hope is that people will acknowledge her value, even though she doesn’t believe it herself. If her fears continue to grow unchallenged, Ang may turn her self-doubt into self-hate. At first, this pain would be directed inward, but if it becomes too heavy to bear alone, she may project it onto others. Ironically, this pain is also a gift—it can serve as the tipping point for real change.
As in many stories of transformation, three mentors appear. At first, they may seem like tormentors, especially if we are resistant to change. The first mentor is cruel yet honest, with a gift of colourfully exposing our worst qualities. Scathing feedback about Ang’s insecurities are degrading and embarrassing, with elements of truth that are difficult to argue. The first mentor tells Ang she is a “soul sucker,” stealing energy from everyone she meets. This mentor also labels her a “people pleaser,” who desperately needs the approval of others. When Ang expresses a lack of faith in herself, mentor number one eagerly joins in with more contempt, “You are a waste of skin Ang, so do something about it, and quit whining.”
Mentor number two is neutral. They support only the truth and are seemingly indifferent to whatever Ang believes. When Ang’s negative inner dialogue sneaks out with comments like, “I don’t think I can, or I am not talented enough.” This mentor neither agrees nor disagrees, but they do ask why? Why do you believe that you are not good enough? Provide me with some evidence, that proves the belief you cling to is real. Mentor two listens and asks questions designed to promote clarity. It is not their place to judge or fix, instead they invite Ang to challenge her own thoughts and beliefs. It becomes clear that it is Ang’s responsibility alone to determine which thoughts are illusions, and which ones are true. Mentor two resembles an irritating yet effective psychologist who answers all questions with more questions. The neutral mentor encourages self awareness however, without courage to act upon our awareness, nothing changes.
The third mentor teaches through support, kindness, and unconditional love. No matter what Ang does, whether she fails or succeeds, mentor three provides love and acceptance. They teach Ang to ponder the possibilities of her infinite potential. They are generous with praise and sensitive with constructive coaching. Their approach is uplifting as mentor number three promotes radical honesty, regular self-assessment, along with self-forgiveness.
As a result a new version of Ang emerges. She learns that her life reflects what she thinks, feels, and believes about herself. Ang recognizes that she is the designer and builder of her reality. Doubts and worry still exist but, she is no longer making choices based on her fears. It is an ongoing process for Ang to delete beliefs that no longer serve her. Even when she doesn’t feel confident, she acts with unwavering faith in her ability to learn, to make the best of her mistakes, and to grow.
Reflecting on her mentors, Ang realizes that all three played a profound role in her growth. At times she needed the cruel truth, it was painful and ticked her off, but it freed her from her own shackles. She still carries the second mentor with her wherever she goes. The neutral observer who questions and challenges her thoughts is the invaluable coach that she nurtures within. When she is in a dark place mentor three appears in many forms. Like cherished memories of overcoming adversities. A smile from a complete stranger. Loving support from friends and coworkers. A line or two of cocaine. Just joshing, seeing if you read this to the end.
Ang is grateful for all her mentors. She has decided that she will learn equally from both life’s painful and gentle experiences. No matter what challenges lie ahead, Ang knows she is more than worthy. She is Ang!
Namaste
Chris Leigh-Smith