Rejection is a powerful force that can cripple authenticity. If we believe demeaning labels that others place on us, we impair our abilities along with our potential contributions. We may become more like those labels due to our mental response of doubting ourselves. On the other hand, praise, and flattery, can feed our egos, inflating our self-worth above others. Believing that we are superior to others is as damaging as believing we are inferior. Being authentic, does not mean we are above listening to helpful opinions and counsel. It means, that we accept that we cannot please everyone. Additionally, we have learned that we do not need other people’s approval to do what we feel is best. Being genuine means we are at peace with who we are, and value that person we are growing into.
Rejection is tough on most of us, it stings knowing that another person doesn’t appreciate who we are. But really, how can they have appreciation or know us, when we barely know ourselves. Individuals who reject others are like most of us, in a state learning, struggling, and bumping along. Therefore, people can be overly critical and fickle for many reasons, most of which, have nothing to do with us. We tend to reject what we do not understand, what we are jealous of, or fearful of. This is standard dysfunctional human protocol, that hopefully all of us with time and experience will grow out of. When we are angry, frustrated, and doubtful about ourselves it is unfortunate that we may displace this pain by striking out at others with our hurtful behaviours. If you take rejection poorly, it might be comforting to know that confident, loving people, rarely reject others. They may reject or criticize another person’s ideas or actions, but not the person. Wise and happy individuals do not lump the two together. Secure personalities, who are logical and compassionate, have no desire to hurt people, despite any differences. Therefore, rejections designed as personal attacks, come from people who are themselves hurting inside with their own overwhelming insecurities. In retrospect, this is not the crowd to take seriously.
Rather than taking their projected pain personally, we can filter it out. Growing a thick skin can result from implementing an attitude of not caring about the mud slingers. However, this solution protects our hearts by surrounding it with callouses. The price we pay for this strategy is becoming less compassionate. Alternatively, emotional resiliency, being rejection proof, results from caring deeply, as we realize that their harmful intentions is their issue, not ours. Caring for all individuals while refusing to own their problems, or accept their rejections is a strategy that can benefit both parties.
Part of embracing authenticity is training our minds and hearts to not require the good opinion of others. Appreciating, but not needing the approval of others allows us to be consistently ourselves. Otherwise, we adapt to playing roles that we think will be accepted and respected by others. Playing the part that fits with other people’s favour, takes us further away from knowing and being our authentic self.
Taking full responsibility for our actions, for how we choose to express ourselves, is the price we pay for personal freedom. Freedom is the prize for having the courage to be true to your nature, beliefs, and values. Personal freedom is being free from constant self-doubts, worry and anxiety. It is an inner peace that is felt strongly when our behaviours are in harmony with our beliefs. Integrity and transparency are the consistent attributes of one’s character when we are truly ourselves regardless of prevailing circumstances. It is easy to be ourselves in favourable environments, with a supporting community. It is more challenging to be genuine under stress, when you have something to lose, when an overwhelming negative response is likely. The test of our character is, are we going to be the same person despite the changing winds of favouritism or rejection. We all will have the opportunity to face being true to our authenticity. This demands a high level of integrity where we value our word and actions above popularity and chose to apply it under stress.
Rejection then is a gift for us to assess our integrity, to live genuinely under any conditions. Without the rejection, exclusion, and degradation from others, we cannot truly build authentic character that will be stable and true to itself in both beneficial and hostile situations. Authenticity demands integrity, integrity produces freedom.
Namaste
Instructor Chris