When choosing a place for the family to learn and grow, it’s helpful to know the story behind its inception. Although Tao of Peace Martial Arts and Life Skills began in 1992, its true beginnings were born out of dreams and challenges that came long before.
What drew me towards the idea of a combined martial arts and life skills school was more a result of my insecurities than my capabilities. Born in 1955 as a premature baby with 40% hearing loss, two club feet and an uncommonly large list of allergies, I did not learn to walk till I was three years old. I was diagnosed with dyslexia and failed grade three due to my inability to read. Needless to say, I felt slow academically, and the school experience confirmed this on a daily basis. From elementary to grade 9, school continued to be a constant struggle, and a reminder that I was not good enough. So, I relied on athletics to compensate for my diminished self-esteem.
I am not a great athlete, mediocre is a stretch, however I grew physically far quicker than my peers, reaching 6’ feet tall in grade six and 6’2” in grade seven. Teachers looked at me like I was on a day pass from the local prison. Their rolling eyes and judgmental body language was clear, they were visibly not over joyed at the thought of teaching this dim-witted boy who occupied a man’s body. Sports quickly became my only way to create relationships and to earn respect, even if it was only self-respect. The approval that I lacked in the classroom, I was determined to earn on the athletic field. So, I trained harder and practiced more than my peers, in order to earn a place in their hearts.
Running for fitness in the early 60’s was unusual, jogging hadn’t really been invented yet, but my sense of inferiority fueled me to run twice a day. Like Forrest Gump, running the dirt roads of our farming community, earned me the label of crazy, by those who did not understand the benefits of running. I also did not realize at the time, that the act of running helped me process and reflect. Like meditation in motion, running saved me psychologically and emotionally.
Although my dad died when I was young, my parents were masters at believing in me and valuing who I was despite my academic flaws. Having unconditionally loving parents, along with running, basketball, and sports in general, kept me afloat, mental health wise. One of those sports at that time was Judo. Being the tallest in my judo class was both a blessing and a curse. The curse part was being exclusively chosen by our large, hairy, and enormously strong instructor to be his ‘Uke’ or throwing partner. To the other students delight, my sensei, solely demonstrated techniques by throwing me through the thin Tatami mats of our dojo. Although my internal organs were rearranged, the valuable lesson was, that I was a survivor.
Over the years, and with the help of many people, I was able to develop coping skills, particularly in reading and was accepted into the physical education program at the University of New Brunswick in 1973. There I played basketball while martial arts continued to intrigue me. Currently there were very few if any established martial art schools. Most instructors taught martial arts out of their garages and basements as a hobby. It was while attending UNB that I discovered the spiritual side of martial arts. Many instructors abide by a code of conduct, a creed to guide honorable behaviour. I became increasingly enamoured by the martial arts connection of philosophy, wisdom traditions, and self improvement. At that time, the Kung Fu series aired starring David Carradine. The soft spoken, gentle, yet extremely capable monk captivated me. Could people become unflappable, resilient to the harshness of others while maintaining a compassionate and loving nature? This aspect of learning to push one’s body while challenging our mind and capacity for kindness was my new goal.
After my undergraduate degree, I entered a master’s program where I focused my thesis on Alternative Education. All my experiences to date, were directing me towards opening a self-esteem and philosophy based alternative school. My premise was, students will reach a higher potential academically, and obtain greater levels of self-awareness and happiness, through a holistic program. The idea of teaching kids about awareness concepts, positive communication skills, healthy relationships, and the workings of the mind and heart, took root and became my growing passion.
I decided I needed practical experience teaching, prior to starting up an alternative school. This led me to teaching Health, Science and Phys Ed in a high-need’s school in Calgary. Every attempt at introducing emotional intelligence concepts and philosophical wisdom resulted in great acceptance and gratitude by the students, but with little support or interest from the school board. Fortunately, my school administrators turned a blind eye towards my programs allowing them to continue. I discovered that devoting approximately one third of the students allotted course time towards pursuing personal growth, resulted in improved marks, a decrease in the need for disciplinary measures, and a culture of acceptance and respect among classmates. That 1/3 time devoted towards being a more aware human produced less acting out, less social anxiety, less bullying, with more peer connections. These benefits seemed apparent regardless of the subject matter or the grade level. Despite getting less time on their approved curriculum, student’s understanding and skills grew. I observed that when students need for emotional safety, namely in the form of peer acceptance, was attended too, performance academically enhanced as did their ability to self govern. It was also apparent that when students’ self-worth and confidence struggled, it is a result of feeling excluded from their peers. Academic learning will rarely be the student’s priority when they lack acceptance from their tribe. It became clear that students’ emotional needs and desire towards satisfactory social status superseded their academics.
I loved teaching in the public schools and continued learning martial arts through attending a variety of dojos. Martial arts at that time were still relatively an uncharted activity for children, and largely misunderstood. Parents feared their child would become a bully with a violent skill set, or that their kids needed to compete in tournaments to progress in belts. Most martial art schools in the 70’s and 80’s were still taught by owners that required a day job to make ends meet. It was common for dojos to be here today and gone tomorrow, leaving students stranded, and having to search out alternate places to train.
Additionally, at this time martial art schools tended to be singularly focused, representing one discipline or style. By the time I was at the end of my 20’s, I had trained in approximately 5 different styles, and felt that this diverse approach was tremendously helpful in my overall understanding and skill development. This drove me to seek out styles like Hapkido and Budo-Ryu Kempo, which were already a combination of 2, 3, or more styles. The focus on learning techniques and concepts rather than having loyalty to a particular discipline or master, seemed like a more effective plan. This eclectic approach to physical training was replicated in my approach to philosophy and life skills. For a slow reader, I gobbled up countless books from a diverse selection of wisdom traditions. The genres of self help, personal growth, spirituality, philosophy, and brain theory rivaled my martial art passion. Self actualization workshops and related literature was assisting me in understanding my relationship with identity, ego, fear, and love.
It was becoming more apparent that my self-worth had been and was still dependent on achievements, accolades, and approval by those outside of myself. I was distinguishing a difference between outer confidence that is based on peer approval and comparisons, and inner confidence that is based on self-respect and belief in one’s potential. Why should a once talented dancer who is now wheelchair bound, loose their self-worth, confidence, and love of self? Is a gifted painter, doomed if they lose their sight, or a talented singer, if they become deaf? What about the generously kind and thoughtful friend who possess no other outstanding qualities or exceptional aptitudes. Are they all deserving of the emotional freedom that comes with unwavering confidence, and self-respect? All to often children are conditioned to see their worth through comparisons, competition, and achievements that distinguish them as special or worthy of people’s respect and attention. This mindset creates a lifetime of either over striving, of quitting, or of not even trying. Many children struggle to be worthy of attention or to blend-in, in an attempt to become invisible, both paths are exhausting. It creates a roller coaster of emotions, where self-worth is dependent on the perceptions of others. There is nothing bad or sad about struggling or striving, achieving, or gaining competence. Yet, if we can’t love ourselves enough that we become dependent on other people’s admiration, then we are slaves to a will that is not our own. Doomed to playing the necessary roles to secure respect and inclusion, we lose our authenticity, and sense of self.
Supremely confident people are self-assured regardless of weather they are performing in an area of high competence or if they are struggling with a brand-new activity. Self-worth and confidence that is sustainable is derived by our internal assessment of who we are, not about where we rank in comparison. Those that seek their self-esteem from outside of themselves, have abdicated their confidence to the opinion of others. If we could teach this process of self-esteem to children, like schools teach reading, writing, and arithmetic, then more kids would be able to build, maintain and repair their own self-worth. In many traditional schools, the very nature of academics, athletics and extracurricular activities are based on comparisons and competition. A ranking system or pecking order emerges and children learn to judge themselves based on how they think others are perceiving them, and how they are treated. Children learn to value appearances, status, and power, while qualities of honesty, integrity, and kindness, may not get equal attention. What many teachers and parents accept as childish behaviour, is more a result of cultural conditioning, than immaturity or genetic disposition.
My experience of traditional education was that it focused primarily on academic achievement. In the worse case scenarios, teachers taught subjects, they did not teach children. Classes like art, music and physical education were optional, with less allotted time and stigmatized with a diminished status. Self awareness and character development was assumed to be learned through osmosis. Children do learn admirable qualities from their teachers and parents simply by observing those traits in action. What if those honorable values became educational objectives, a holistic curriculum that tended to all aspects of the individual, emotional, intellectual, mathematical, musical, physical, and so on? These were the many questions that rattled my brain. I was compelled to teach students about themselves and found in return that I was learning tremendously about life and about myself.
In my thirties, my martial art master asked me to open up a franchise school under him. I thought this would add income to my modest teachers’ salary, while allowing myself and my children to train in a hopefully stable school. After six months of operation, I realized my school vision was not supported by the franchise, thus I broke ties and opened Tao of Peace. We offered an eclectic martial art experience, highly complimented with life skill and character developing lessons. In the studio’s first few years of operation, all classes hosted a single life skill session at the end of class, called coaches corner. Over time the number of our coach’s corners increased to three 5-minute sessions per class for the majority of our youth programs.
The recipe of one third life skills to two thirds physical martial arts training was born, as was my dream of an alternative school. We found that students in general, including those with labels like autism, ADHD, OCD, delayed motor function and many more challenges, were able to focus and cope better within a formula consisting of activity, emotional safety, and the sharing of life skills. We viewed students with disability labels as kids with uncommon abilities. All students have challenges, while some students require more accommodations and resources, others require an alternative learning style and a more active environment. The goal was to be knowledgeable and realistic about individual learning strengths and weaknesses, while adapting and being creative about learning. All students, in whatever way they showed up, were viewed as a gift.
It was obvious that students’ ability to focus on a life skill session greatly increased after a heart-pounding game or a cardio challenging martial arts drill. Therefore, we planned that two out of the three coach’s corners were to proceed immediately after children participated in an intense martial art activity. Our games were designed to be fully inclusive and non-competitive, while providing an aerobic component to enhance the coach’s corners experience. The results were wonderful as the physical exercise not only burned off stress and bolstered fitness, but it also released hormones and neurotransmitters that improved student’s ability to focus and process information during the life skill sessions. The physicality of martial arts training was improving the student’s cognitive experience. Of course, any form of aerobic exercise will do, from skipping rope to running or intense playing has been documented to improve cognitive functions. In 2008 a book called Spark (The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain) by John J. Ratey, MD, was published. In great detail it explains the science behind the relationship between exercise and improved learning, thus validating our own experience.
The goal of Tao of Peace is to empower children with the concept that they are the architects of their own self-worth, confidence, and happiness. They are challenged to be a contributing force of good in their communities. We encourage them to be mindful of their thoughts that shape their inner communication, (self talk), which results in their behaviour, which in turn becomes their habits. Our habits largely shape our current reality. Students learn over time that they are the masters of their lives and co-creators of their reality. Taking responsibility for how their life is unfolding in relation to their persistent thoughts and behaviours along with self awareness is our foundational principle that we share.
Part of anyone’s story, is that personal weakness can be transformed into inner strength. Now, as I close in on my seventies, the students have taught me to put aside pretense, control, ego, and fear. The Tao trusts that students learn and behave best when they are respected and loved for who they are now. This requires a safe and accepting space, where all ages feel worthy of respect and kindness from their peers and instructors. This inclusive and unconditionally loving environment is taught, and role modeled to students in all aspects of their involvement in the dojo. The instructors believe in the highest potential of each student and encourage them to apply an ever-increasing standard of loving behaviour. The instructors end goal is to treat each student with calm, unconditional love, and respect regardless of whether they are witnessing admirably behaviour or coaching inappropriate conduct. Both require acceptance where the instructor views the child separately from the child’s behaviours. We may not condone the child’s actions; however, we attempt to relate unconditional love and positive coaching to every child, regardless of their actions. Students are valued because they exist, and their efforts are praised over their achievements. Students know they are in a place where they can take risks, fail, and learn at their own pace.
The Story of the Tao is summed up in our students End Goal. “The student is invited to generate enough self-respect and self-love that they do not need the approval of others. They are free to follow their own minds and hearts to challenge their thoughts and behaviours in order to be the best version of themselves.”
Huge gratitude to everyone, parents, students, and instructors for your loving part in the Tao of Peace story.
Instructor Chris