Imagine we are a flag, and the wind is life’s experiences. When life is calm, we reflect stillness—relaxed, grounded, and collected. But when life gets hectic, we flap wildly in reaction to the windstorm of challenges. In those moments, we feel unsure, stressed, and out of control. The constant pressure can tear at the fabric of our minds, disturbing our confidence and stirring up anxiety, doubt, and fear. Even when the wind dies down, anxiety often lingers beneath the surface as we brace for the next storm.
Being unflappable isn’t about controlling the wind, or expecting an easy, predictable, stress-free life. We have influence, perspective, attraction, and choice—but very little control over what life throws at us. The key to managing stress, or even growing from it, lies less in what happens to us and more in how we respond. Our happiness hinges on our ability to accept reality and respond in the most loving and positive way possible. Fortunately, we have an incredible capacity to meet life with both logic and love.
One way to cultivate an unflappable mindset is to stop labeling events as “good” or “bad,” and instead view them as opportunities or lessons. This shift requires awareness of our thoughts and a willingness to challenge the illogical ones. Are we focusing on what we don’t want, instead of what we prefer?
Another important trait is being mindful of our inner voice. Is our self-talk ruminating on fear, or is it honest and optimistic? We can also examine our behavior and its consequences to see if our actions align with our values. Serenity doesn’t demand hours of introspection—it simply requires a desire to be thoughtful, considerate, and willing to look inward first.
Taking full responsibility for our behavior is essential. After all, we can’t change what we don’t own. When we say things like “She makes me so angry” or “My boss drives me crazy,” we’re handing over our power of choice. We blame others for situations in which we feel we can only react poorly. But the truth is, no one controls our thoughts or feelings any more than we control theirs. It might seem easier to shift responsibility, but doing so leaves us feeling powerless. Believing that others control us is not only illogical—it’s a trap. Real happiness comes when we reclaim ownership of our thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Being unflappable—calm, dependable, steady, and at peace—is an inside job. And it is within our control. While we can’t control how life unfolds, we can choose how we perceive and respond to it. It all begins with honesty—in our thoughts, our words, and our actions.
When adversity hits, it’s tempting to take it personally, to believe the world is against us. But that’s just another lie we tell ourselves to justify our reactions. The truth is, it’s not what happens to us that shapes our happiness and success—it’s how we respond that builds inner peace.
It helps to challenge the truth of some of our ingrained beliefs—like the idea that some people are just lucky, while others are doomed to struggle. These thoughts let us off the hook. They give us permission to quit or fail without learning. But they also limit our growth. By confronting these beliefs, we free ourselves from their grip.
Another trap is identifying as a “success” or a “failure.” Neither label defines us. Success and failure are just experiences—often happening in that order. In fact, failure is usually a prerequisite for success. Learning from it builds perseverance, resilience, and the unflappable mindset that brings true satisfaction. We can’t have one without the other. Setbacks, reboots, and even complete wipeouts are all part of the journey to personal growth.
When we dwell on being upset or spend time blaming our circumstances, we’re letting the wind toss us around. But when we catch ourselves in those moments—passing the buck, complaining, or judging—we’re already on the right track. That awareness allows us to pause, assess our thoughts, and tune them to be more logical and truthful. From there, every challenge becomes an opportunity to grow, and we start to embody that unflappable spirit.
So, what’s the value of being unflappable?
When we’re less reactive and calmer, we handle problems with grace. We access more of our potential. The victim mindset gives way to creativity and optimism. We start seeing solutions and possibilities that fear, and frustration had once hidden from view. Our vision clears. We become open, humble, and ready for whatever life throws at us.
The more we practice this mindset, the more natural it becomes—until eventually, we don’t need to remind ourselves to be unflappable. We simply are.
Namaste,
Chris Leigh-Smith