Approaching life with unconditional love, is transformative. Being in a consciousness of love, is complete freedom. Whether under extreme duress or facing just minor annoyance, you seek the best in others and give them your kindness. Whenever anxiety, doubt and fear are present, you ask yourself what would be the most loving thing to do, you are mindful and, in the moment, free of judgement and blame. This state of unconditional love frees up all energy to be focused on what you want, harmony, learning, win-win, mutual support and respect.
Conditional love, negotiation and transactional interaction spends enormous amounts of time and energy on protecting oneself and strategizing to gain advantages over others who are largely viewed as adversaries. At best conditional love is arrogant, thinking that they know what’s best for others. At worst it is self serving, and the disguise of love is controlling, and manipulative.
Loving with strings attached, does not make a person bad or evil. Placing conditions on a relationship that determine when you are or are not kind and caring, is more about awareness and conditioning. It is a lack of understanding when we get angry with those that do not love us in return. To love someone and then decide to hate them because they are not who you thought they were, is not real love, it is dependent love. Needy, co-dependent relationships turns lovers and soul mates into dramas where we attribute our ignorance and pain.
I am grateful, as most of us, who do not yet understand conditional love, will have glimpses into unconditional love experiences. As the saying goes, perhaps we are only unconditional love, dreaming the experience of having judgements, doubts, and fears. Either way, the moments where I have chosen unconditional love as a response to life, have been intoxicating.
How to be more unconditional:
A favorite Buddha saying is, “When in doubt, choose love.” A way to put this wisdom into action is to ask yourself when you are troubled, “What is the most loving thing that I can do?” This question helps provide us direction when we are uncertain or angry. It steers us towards a higher potential with the intended purpose to respond to adversity with kindness. To exchange judgement and blame with inquisitiveness and support. Forgiveness frees us from a cycle of ill will, resentments and distrust.
How to practice this state is partly in it’s simplicity. Ween down your rulebook. Reduce the conditions that people must meet to earn your respect and kindness. Conditions are similar to rules, the more rules I insist on the smaller my circle of friends and influence becomes. The belief that I can only be your friend if you abide by my way of life, keeps me in an unchallenged feedback loop. Unchallenged beliefs do not evolve, for we weed out our circle of influencers when they don’t reflect our beliefs. It is difficult to grow and deepen our understandings, our values, if we contend that we have nothing to learn from others. If we can’t learn from a situation or another person, they may be seen as being inferior or unworthy of our time. It is more difficult to open up our heart and mind to those we judge as inferior.
Are conditions always bad?
No, in my experience there are times when applying conditions, or setting boundaries can create safer and healthier relationships or environments. We can even make judgements that enable us to make wiser choices. Usually, this type of judgement or disclaimer is intended to be both observational and helpful, or to provide rules of engagement that protect all concerned.
Keep Love in Your Consciousness.
Sometimes when I am angry and blaming, a surprise overcomes me and my fear, and my actions are more loving. Not completely unconditional yet, it is like the spirit of unconditional love winks at me and provides a brief experience of what it is like to be void of fear, judgements, and blame. On those rare occasions it feels like this is my only reason to exist, to learn what love truly is. Recognizing and appreciating these moments is a great way to keep learning.
We need to be subtlety challenged and sometimes, strongly confronted with difficult situations which begs that vital question, “What is the most loving thing that I can do now?”
Namaste
Chris