Many of us have heard the saying “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” This idea that we are actors in our own story bears considerable truth. Most, if not all of us, have learned to act out various roles within a story that struggles to defines us. We play these different roles with others to secure greater safety, to be noticed, respected, and loved. The playing of numerous roles can be exhausting. The energy it takes trying to fit in with so many of our tribe is a misdirection that takes us further from knowing and developing the person that we wish to be.
What if we had no story, no narrative that defined us, no role that we needed to play to feel accepted? What if all our wrappings in the form of appearance, social status, gender, age, and achievements could not possibly label us, or determine our value? If the story about ‘who we are’ got deleted, how might we portray our role, without a script guiding us? Perhaps we would resolve to being ourselves, regardless of who we are with. By letting go of all stories, reputations, first impressions, we could accept others and ourselves more easily, despite the wrappings. We may even grow to know who are real friends are.
Generally, a story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, with drama tying it all together. Many of us have grown up being influenced by stories that pique our interest by having good guys and bad guys, with the heroes and villains separated by conflict. Seldom do the actors stray from their roles and rarely is there a story that’s not centred around confrontation. It seems natural for us to create a narrative that explains and justifies who we are. Our drama becomes our justification or excuse for the areas in our lives that we are not proud of. Our stories have a job; to make us feel better about how others see us and to establish worth. Such as, I am an intellectual who’s knowledge is valuable to others, I am an athlete who is valued for their strength and abilities, I am always unlucky and yet I continue to survive. Our story and what our tribe values, largely determine the roles we choose to play.
At the cost of personal growth, our character often remains confined to the narrative we have created. To feel accepted we stick to the script of what is expected of us. It may not be a happy story, but it is aligned to what we believe about ourselves. This begs the question if our story is truly our creation alone? Or is the narrative that we cling too, built not only by us, but includes the ideas of others that we have been exposed to? A story about us, that over time, we have been conditioned to believe.
Similarly, a full-grown elephant is conditioned from birth to be confined from roaming by being tethered in place by a rope attached to a ground spike. The baby elephant is initially constrained by its leash, yet each day forward only the memory and subsequent belief in the leash’s power can truly hold a growing elephant. People are also limited by beliefs that once had power over them, yet now, no longer reflect reality. The story that we tell ourselves of who we are generally emphasizes our limitations rather than exploring our potential. Memory and conditioning provide governors and restrictions over our abilities. Of course, these restrictions only work if we believe in them. Some of these self-regulating thoughts are imposed on us to protect us against poor judgement and ignorance. Telling a child that they can’t fly is one thing, constantly commenting on their clumsy and accident-prone nature, creates a story that can become a self-fulling prophecy. People’s imposed stories of our limited abilities are rarely accurate, as they are merely snap shots in time. As an elephant grows, it either overcomes old beliefs, or continues to be restricted by the illusions that it still believes in. So too are we diminished by mental programs or beliefs that we developed as part of our story, or the false notions that have been drummed into us. Either way the narratives that people use to be acceptable and to justify current circumstances are often based on old and erroneous ideas. Thus, the story we tell ourselves about who we are is the trap that holds us back. We may sabotage ourselves based on our past experiences, or by trusting in the labels that others have placed on us.
Stories can be entertaining and informative. Great stories can be transformative unearthing new perspectives which unlock our potential by challenging our belief systems. The stories that we tell ourselves and others, the running narrative that supports our drama, the self-dialogue that is our inner critic, are unnecessary. People play multiple roles to support their story, to prove to their community that they are lovable and capable. Each person’s story does not need to be written from past failures. Additionally, our roles do not need to be determined by what others expect of us. Life will unfold more easily when we are free of belief systems that tether us by our fears. Our past and current state only type casts our role if we believe that we are incapable of learning and changing.
Life is a stage, and we actors upon it, only if we live in a story. Let all stories go, challenge existing thoughts and beliefs that define us. Drop all labels and shed any identity like an old pair of shoes that no longer fit. With no attachment to an identity or story, we are free to be our best in each moment.
Namaste
Instructor Chris