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When a person’s movements flow like water, they are said to be graceful. When a person’s heart and mind collaborate in time, they are infused with grace. Those in a state of grace are often absent of fear. Even while accepting a perilous reality, they are emotionally unaffected by it. In moments of grace, we are clear of unrelated thoughts, the mind is completely absorbed in its current reality.
Today’s parents have new challenges. Previous generations were kept busy feeding, clothing, and educating their kids, while even earlier generations of parents were preoccupied with just keeping their children alive. Parenting challenges that exist today, like learning disabilities, gender identity, ADHD, autism spectrum, along with heightened anxiety and depression, either didn’t exist in the past, or we were unaware of them.
Recently I experienced a very peaceful dream where everyone on the planet checked in with themselves before making decisions. In the dream, choices, even the insignificant ones, were put through a quick screening process. People insisted on making choices that were aligned with their life aspirations of honouring truth, wisdom, and love.
Stirring the pot often reveals unpopular opinions that people do not want to hear. It dredges up stuff, like uncomfortable truths, which many of us wish to ignore. Unpleasant as it is, stirring the pot becomes a necessary evil. Alternatively, we can view pot stirring as an essential to our growth.
Can we love people who are not loving in return? Do hurtful people, lacking in respect and decency, deserve kindness? Is there a way to be truthful and kind to those who are not thoughtful or principled? Loving the lovable is easy, especially if we are feeling good. Being respectful, kind, and inspiring to people we approve of is rewarding. However, showing patience and compassion to those who are undeserving can be challenging.
When a person’s movements flow like water, they are graceful. When a person’s heart and mind unit in openness and love, they are infused with grace. Those in a state of grace are often absent of fear, while accepting a perilous reality, they are emotionally unaffected by it. In moments of grace, we are clear of unrelated thoughts, the mind is completely absorbed in current reality. An individual in grace can be totally out of their element, however, they utilize truth and love in astonishing ways. Physical grace requires dedicated practice, however, if the mind is chaotic, graceful movements are harder to achieve. Interestingly, a person’s body may be trapped in a state of disease or injury, but their heart/mind can flow with amazing perception and understanding.
How do we invite ourselves into a state of grace? An initial step is to ask ourselves if an open and loving consciousness is what we desire. If loving consciousness requires awareness of reality, an open and receptive mind to all experiences is essential. We need to let go of what we think we know to increase our receptive abilities. Thinking that we are capable of complete understanding creates a rigid and judgemental mind which filters out our access to consciousness. A closed mind forms a vail between us and reality. By acknowledging that we don’t know what we don’t know, encourages inquisitiveness and gratitude. Arrogance uses filters to hide our insecurities, dulling our ability to listen to new and contrary opinions. We become stuck intellectually, and emotionally disconnected.
If grace is our goal, what changes do we need to make? Which thoughts, feelings, and behaviours do we grow, and which ones do we weed out? Ongoing questioning of our thinking and values is the openness that leads to greater awareness. This inquisitive process connects our hearts and minds to seek grace in every moment. Choosing reality, over preferences, over prejudices, and over what is self-serving, creates loving awareness. Then, all we need is discipline to keep this practice alive. Perhaps, it is easier to think of discipline as will power, the power to consider positive change.
Another way to be in grace is to allow it. Practice seeing the best outcomes for everyone. Focus on intentions that serve the greater good. Be both accepting of self and others while committed to self improvement. Having goals and plans that remain fluid and open to change is helpful. Therefore, having attachments and fixed agendas are detrimental to developing grace. Being available to compassionately listen to people’s viewpoints despite our pessimism or fear, is indeed graceful. Grace is not about perfection, as openness requires the humility to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to be constantly learning and evolving.
Being in grace, involves developing a heart that will not exclude people. How can a cruel person know the value of kindness, if we do not treat them with kindness, regardless of their behaviour? Holding people to their past deeds, expecting that they are incapable of change, discourages grace which has the ability to transforms lives. A person in a state of grace can disapprove of people’s conduct, while still holding space for them to do better. Forgiveness manifests grace, which translates to an acceptance and love that can flow to those who need it the most.
An unhealthy ego is the opposite of grace. Ego, edges – grace - out. Self importance, and the need to rise above others, is egoism hampering the flow of resources that are accessible to an open minded and humble person. Egotistical thoughts, obscures our reality. To protect our egos, stories are created that we tell ourselves to justify our actions, which further warps our reality. Discerning the truth of our thoughts, unearthing false beliefs, and exposing our insecurities, is the pathway to grace. This pathway becomes a superhighway when we take responsibility for our conduct and how it impacts everyone.
Loving ourselves for who we are now, encourages grace to rush to our side. With every attempt we make to restore grace, grace responds to us exponentially. When we accept that we have worth and potential despite our flaws, our dependency on the recognition and approval of others decreases. Now, more personal energy can flow towards what we want to create. Grace encourages us to believe in ourselves. Self doubt impedes grace. Without the fear of ‘not being good enough’, we become more present, more conscious. Thinking that clings to the past and future, rob us of grace, for grace is our commitment to love and reality in the present moment. So, by loving ourselves we can let go of other people’s perceptions about our worth. This is when our thoughts become clear, and our heart/mind is uncluttered. This may feel like we are experiencing no thoughts at all, only conscious awareness.
Another aspect that brings grace into our lives is our growing emotional intelligence. Feel and acknowledge all emotions. Challenge the uncomfortable emotions to a test of reality and truth. Fear is an example of an emotion that is not always logical, loving, or based in truth. Emotions are like breadcrumbs leading us to the truth, but only if we are willing to feel those emotions and then confront the reasons for harbouring them. As an example, jealousy is an emotion that is not good or bad to feel. However, experience shows us that behaving in a jealous manner causes harm. Feeling jealous and acting jealous are two very different things. By being aware of our jealous emotion, we can proactively express it in a positive, rather than destructive way. For example, fear may cause us to trash talk people that we are envious of, while grace can transform our jealousy into acknowledgement and support for other people’s talents. Love and acceptance of ourselves allows us to connect with others more easily. Feeling peaceful, during confrontational situations, means we are resting in the state of grace. Grace is loving consciousness in action. Concentrate on extending love in all directions, within and without, and grace will fill our lives.
Namaste,
Chris
As my principal Jim Toews use to say, “There are no problems, only creative opportunities.” Opportunities are often disguised as tough problems. Some problems overwhelm us, and we find it difficult to believe that on the other side of tough, is a silver lining. Belief is critical.
…When we practice being present to each moment, mindful of how we are interacting in life’s journey, winning, and losing will dissolve. The choices we make and how it impacts our experience cannot be defined by winning or losing…
So many times in life I was certain my goals were out of reach. Perhaps they were beyond me at that time because I couldn’t see them happening. I didn’t believe in the possibility. I didn’t feel the necessary resources were ever going to come available. I was also spending more time thinking why it wasn’t going to happen, than thinking about how it could.
Children do not want to be obsessed with needing peer approval, but most are. If they understand that rejection is a reality of life, then the illusion of needing the approval of others is easier to debunk. Children certainly cannot make their friends happy or win their admiration and respect all the time. Children navigate socially with greater confidence when they accept this reality.
To feel good. Think good. Choose good. Do good. Repeat! A simple and respected recipe, yet simple is not always easy. After all, if it’s easy, it’s not worth doing. These and other antidotes echo in my mind, as gifts from my parents. Eat only when hungry, never doubt, think positively, follow your heart. Even though simplicity is implied, applying, such treasured guidance usually takes dedicated thought and practice.
Reactions to an outpouring of anger are many, from attempts at appeasement, to defiantly matching the other persons fury. Both of these strategies usually prolong or escalate the anger that we wish to prevent.
… Acknowledging our fears allows us to identify decisions that are unwise, and to notice choices that come from irrational fears of failure. Luckily, we often get to learn from our poor choices and then chose again with greater wisdom.
The quieter we become the more we can hear. This universal wisdom speaks of our ability to be still long enough so that we can connect with our inner self. Listening to others is wise. Listening within and knowing ourselves is a process of enlightenment. Seldom do people afford the time to check in with themselves.
While it is healthy to acknowledge that we are all needy from time to time, there are times when it feels like our children have created a black hole of excessive neediness, that pulls everyone kicking and screaming into this dark energy sucking vortex.
From enthusiast to fanatic, a fan is a bundle of appreciation and admiration, yet being a fan may not always be healthy.
Being able to observe life from multiple perspectives deepens understanding, increases tolerance, and diminishes biases. Awareness that our knowledge and understanding of life’s complexities is fairly limited, motivates us to seek different points of view.
Aging, a curse for some, earned wisdom and grace for others. It is interesting to observe elders. Some wear their years with grace and gratitude, while others tend to be grumpy broken windup toys.
Many of us have heard the saying “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” This idea that we are actors in our own story bears considerable truth. Most, if not all of us, have learned to act out various roles within a story that struggles to defines us. We play these different roles with others to secure greater safety, to be noticed, respected, and loved. The playing of numerous roles can be exhausting. The energy it takes trying to fit in with so many of our tribe is a misdirection that takes us further from knowing and developing the person that we wish to be.
What if we had no story, no narrative that defined us, no role that we needed to play to feel accepted? What if all our wrappings in the form of appearance, social status, gender, age, and achievements could not possibly label us, or determine our value? If the story about ‘who we are’ got deleted, how might we portray our role, without a script guiding us? Perhaps we would resolve to being ourselves, regardless of who we are with. By letting go of all stories, reputations, first impressions, we could accept others and ourselves more easily, despite the wrappings. We may even grow to know who are real friends are.
Generally, a story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, with drama tying it all together. Many of us have grown up being influenced by stories that pique our interest by having good guys and bad guys, with the heroes and villains separated by conflict. Seldom do the actors stray from their roles and rarely is there a story that’s not centred around confrontation. It seems natural for us to create a narrative that explains and justifies who we are. Our drama becomes our justification or excuse for the areas in our lives that we are not proud of. Our stories have a job; to make us feel better about how others see us and to establish worth. Such as, I am an intellectual who’s knowledge is valuable to others, I am an athlete who is valued for their strength and abilities, I am always unlucky and yet I continue to survive. Our story and what our tribe values, largely determine the roles we choose to play.
At the cost of personal growth, our character often remains confined to the narrative we have created. To feel accepted we stick to the script of what is expected of us. It may not be a happy story, but it is aligned to what we believe about ourselves. This begs the question if our story is truly our creation alone? Or is the narrative that we cling too, built not only by us, but includes the ideas of others that we have been exposed to? A story about us, that over time, we have been conditioned to believe.
Similarly, a full-grown elephant is conditioned from birth to be confined from roaming by being tethered in place by a rope attached to a ground spike. The baby elephant is initially constrained by its leash, yet each day forward only the memory and subsequent belief in the leash’s power can truly hold a growing elephant. People are also limited by beliefs that once had power over them, yet now, no longer reflect reality. The story that we tell ourselves of who we are generally emphasizes our limitations rather than exploring our potential. Memory and conditioning provide governors and restrictions over our abilities. Of course, these restrictions only work if we believe in them. Some of these self-regulating thoughts are imposed on us to protect us against poor judgement and ignorance. Telling a child that they can’t fly is one thing, constantly commenting on their clumsy and accident-prone nature, creates a story that can become a self-fulling prophecy. People’s imposed stories of our limited abilities are rarely accurate, as they are merely snap shots in time. As an elephant grows, it either overcomes old beliefs, or continues to be restricted by the illusions that it still believes in. So too are we diminished by mental programs or beliefs that we developed as part of our story, or the false notions that have been drummed into us. Either way the narratives that people use to be acceptable and to justify current circumstances are often based on old and erroneous ideas. Thus, the story we tell ourselves about who we are is the trap that holds us back. We may sabotage ourselves based on our past experiences, or by trusting in the labels that others have placed on us.
Stories can be entertaining and informative. Great stories can be transformative unearthing new perspectives which unlock our potential by challenging our belief systems. The stories that we tell ourselves and others, the running narrative that supports our drama, the self-dialogue that is our inner critic, are unnecessary. People play multiple roles to support their story, to prove to their community that they are lovable and capable. Each person’s story does not need to be written from past failures. Additionally, our roles do not need to be determined by what others expect of us. Life will unfold more easily when we are free of belief systems that tether us by our fears. Our past and current state only type casts our role if we believe that we are incapable of learning and changing.
Life is a stage, and we actors upon it, only if we live in a story. Let all stories go, challenge existing thoughts and beliefs that define us. Drop all labels and shed any identity like an old pair of shoes that no longer fit. With no attachment to an identity or story, we are free to be our best in each moment.
Namaste
Instructor Chris
If we are smiling inside, we glow on the outside. If sad on the inside, a cloud shades our normal sunny disposition. We do not need to hide our feelings from others, however if we wish to accentuate the positives, it is important to smile on the outside even when we are troubled on the inside. Our chemical makeup matters. Emotions influence our chemical state, which has a direct impact on our health. It is important to recognize our emotions, learn from them, but then move past feelings that can become toxic over time. Let optimism and hope seep into our hearts and sooth our troubled minds. As the saying goes, ‘as within, so without’, our mental influence flows in both directions. Body language, mood, health, and disease are profoundly impacted by our thoughts. To place a smile on our lips when we are upset, awakens our optimism and hope. To giggle or belly laugh when we are in pain, lessens our suffering.
Restore interrupted joy by not concentrating on our pain. Stubbing our toe results in pain that signals us to avoid doing this again. When someone is yelling at you over the phone, we can politely hang up. We can also hang up on our pain signals. Once we have heard the bodies message that we are causing harm, we’ve got it. There is no need to replay it. Emotional confusion, mental anguish, our inner critic, are all flowing inside, affecting our bodies. Holding on to pain like anger or resentment causes toxicity within, thus anger destroys the vessel that contains it. Projecting or expressing our anger in harmful ways creates even more toxicity, within us and others. The goal is to not ignore pain messages while also learning not to magnify or dwell on our pain.
Learning is not always painful, and it typically is not comfortable either. Pain is inevitable, yet we do not have to suffer by languishing in our destress. Replaying our failures while degrading oneself for past choices, does not address the issue. It is self-imposed punishment. Learning can be accomplished by facing our pain and then letting it go. Seek the answers to issues with peace, acceptance, and forgiveness inside. If our peace is crumbling within, flow gratitude, confidence, and happiness on the outside. Is this a distraction or a re-set button? Does it re- focus us away from our pain? Can we then explore the root cause of our suffering? Either way, summoning up a more positive disposition creates an advantage of optimism and hope. If we are emotionally wrapped up in fear, or anger, then our rational mind is impaired. Our ability to bring to the table valuable resources to deal with the issue is diminished, as the mind is not open, and our thoughts are dominated by fear. The angry mind is like a flower that has closed its pedals to protect itself from the outside elements. Once we acknowledge our fear and anger, we can open our minds to focus on solutions, understanding, compassion and connection.
When scared on the inside, smiling on the outside can free the mind, allowing it to progress forward. Einstein, shared with us that in order to solve a problem we need to utilize a different mind than the one that caused that problem in the first place. Problems can be made up of external adversities like a flood, or tornado. Our day-to-day problems are more typically a result of our choices and their resulting consequences. Effects of poor choices can cause just pain, or we can include learning opportunities. Sometimes our choices result in wonderful outcomes, and we fear we are a fraud, that we will not be able to live up to our success. Even great choices can result in mental strife. Addressing the core issue leads us to greater awareness which promotes wiser choices. Therefore, when we are struggling on the inside it is important to assist our minds and our internal chemistry to aid us in rising above being stuck. Regardless, if it is physical pain or the result of mental anxiety, break the cycle of rehashing it. When distress hits, force a grin, not to fool others, but to remind yourself to be optimistic, to be hopeful, it’s a learning process.
Namaste Instructor Chris
