Aging, a curse for some, earned wisdom and grace for others. It is interesting to observe elders. Some wear their years with grace and gratitude, while others tend to be grumpy broken windup toys. Their fear and anger over aging makes them the ironic poster child for ageism where elders are undervalued.  As a senior myself, I have been in both the grumpy and grateful camp.  Despite the aches and pains associated with the passing of time, I have found that the loss of certain abilities gives rise to the blossoming of other gifts. Wrinkles, double chins, puffy eyes, selective hearing, and stiff and arthritic joints are signs of life’s journey. Graceful agers view these changes as a rite of passage rather than the horrible consequences of getting older. It is not that these individuals are not afflicted with normal aging outcomes, it is that they suffer less and enjoy more, due to their perspective and attitude. If one needs the soothing rest of a rocking chair, we can choose to begrudge it, or welcome the relief. Aging bodies and rocking chairs remain constant, it is our attitudes that can be altered to spin either a positive or dismal mindset towards the inevitable.

Acknowledging the challenges of old age, with humour and acceptance, affects our emotional state, and therefore, how we relate to those around us. We can be delighted about the opportunity for a new hip replacement, or resent our need for one. Misery loves company, thus irritable dispositions will be attracted to one another, reinforcing each other’s negative perspectives.  Alternatively, seniors that accept aging as a blessing, especially considering the alternative, find ways to flex their possibilities both physically and socially.

Significant differences exist between sharing honestly our health issues with a trusted friend or a health practitioner, versus, characterizing our existence as drudgery. There are always exceptions, with some deteriorating conditions significantly impacting life’s quality to a point where we question the continued value of living.  If our aging circumstances are not this dire, focusing on the joys that result from old age keeps us viable and valuable as elders in our community.  

Some gifts that come with age.

Taming Ego

As youthful appearances fade, we become less concerned about vanity, fashion, or how others perceive us. Youth is often characterized with worrying, even obsessing about our looks and social status. In our youth we may have been more void of physical discomforts; however, we often felt more mental anguish and insecurities due to our own self judgement. Usually with age comes self-acceptance that allows us to be freer to express ourselves without the mental emotional anxiety of needing other people’s approval. Elders see the colossal waste of time spent in our youth trying to be someone that everyone likes. As seniors we can dye our hair blue, wear our pants just below our arm pits, make uncensored comments, fart without embarrassment, all the while being comfortable in our own skin. We value being genuine over seeking the endorsement of friends and family. As youth fades, so can our egos.

Building Compassion

Elders realize that their once bomb proof body and mind that healed quickly despite life’s abuse, can no longer be neglected. The need for our own self-care creates greater empathy for others. We become less judgemental of peoples perceived weaknesses thereby, having more time to address our own deficiencies. Time teaches us that most people are doing their best based on what they believe. We have more in common with more people than previously realized, our differences are more wisely viewed as collaborative strengths. We see diversity and unity as symbiotic. We all learn and grow from each other. When we see ourselves or our ‘God’ in everyone we meet, it is difficult to not treat people with respect, and kindness. Compassion for ourselves and others is developed over time, and is an immeasurable gift to ourselves, and those around us.

Awareness of our mortality

The steady passing of time creates an appreciation for living in the moment. Taking time to smell the roses comes from realizing our impermanence. Rather than expecting tomorrow to come, we relish the opportunities that another day can provide. It is not that seniors are trying to accomplish more in a diminishing life span, rather, they see the value in being present over distracted. Elders can cherish each breath they take, each smile they offer. They can take the time to listen and show an unsettled person that they are important, valued and loved. Seniors have learned that as they age life speeds up, by slowing down and appreciating the little things in life, we honour the time we have. By pausing more, we see the beauty, humour, and magic in life. Aging magnifies the concept that it is the journey not the destination, it is the process not the outcome, that feeds our joy and our ability to serve others.

Determining Worth

Our early years are often spent in readiness of earning a living. Often, our youth is devoted to acquiring knowledge and material things. However, with the passage of time we begin to treasure one thing above all others, relationships! Our worth is no longer measured in achievements and possessions, but in the love of friends and family. Aging, which usually involves repeated cycles of gain and loss, triumph, and failure, creates the vision of how important it is to cultivate the willingness and talent at loving and being loved. As we mature further in experience and in wisdom, how we love others and ourselves becomes the paramount objective. Eventually, giving love to others rises above our need to secure love for ourselves. With enough time we may learn to love unconditionally, which creates an inner joy and level of peace that we can’t remember possessing in our youth.

Growing Wisdom

Time and experience, yields perspective, introspection, and discernment. As our eyes change so too does our vision. We tend to see life from a larger viewpoint. Elders are less caught up in the drama and can see the bigger picture, as we are less affected by our desires and fears. Age gives us time to get acquainted with our prejudices, fears, and preferences. As our bodies slow down, we take more time being patient in observations and in decision making. Our ability to distinguish between truth and illusions has been developing and tested over a lifetime of learning, failing, and succeeding. Introspection is our willingness to look within, to regularly assess our thoughts, words, and behaviours. Time allows us the necessary changes to unburden our insecurities and illuminate ourselves.

Experience

Time, and the consequences of our choices etch into our hearts and minds a memory of our courage or the lack of it. Regrets create emotional reminders of the things we wish we had said, and the actions we wish we had taken. These painful reminders may continue to negatively affect our choices if we dwell on our shame and perceived inability to change. Conversely, our regrets can become milestones for transformation, inspiring us to muster the courage that encourages us to apply our wisdom, despite our fears. Experience provides perspective, which impacts our values, which informs our choices and ultimately shapes our character. Getting old has its challenges, and its perks.  Replacing bitterness, regret, and pessimism with acceptance, gratitude, and a love of self and others, makes life’s journey miraculous.

Namaste

The Old Fart