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challenge
Sometimes simplicity is too simple. Some situations require complicated means to achieve the best result. However, generally speaking, simple is best. As we age life often feels increasingly complicated. There is more information in our heads, we have more responsibilities, more dependents, and we may have more possessions to maintain. All this translates into greater worries about gain and loss. Maybe this is why some choose to uncomplicate life by living simply.
Ang is kind, considerate and generous. She’s always thinking of how to help others. Ang also doubts herself and is unsure of her value. Her self-talk reflects fears about her worth. Ang, like us all, is a captive listener to her own thinking. Her negative thoughts reinforce the belief that she is not good enough.
There has always been good and bad, hot and cold and up and down. We are often reminded that opposites bring balance to the universe. It seems normal that left needs right, and our crops need both sun and rain. But do we really need unethical people who do unspeakable deeds to know what is right and to take right action? Perhaps, maybe, time will tell.
Parents prioritize many aspects of their children’s growth. Like a nurse triaging, parents will select what is relevant or crucial for their child’s continued growth. We tend to know our kid’s strengths, and it is helpful to acknowledge and build upon those competencies. Sometime, their weaknesses are not addressed or challenged in ways that provide tools for meaningful change. Conversely, our children’s weak areas may become too much of a focus, and thus their self image is based on their flaws. A balance needs to be struck between identifying and accepting weaknesses and acknowledging and being grateful for strengths. If there is an imbalance, I would emphasize building from the child’s strengths to improve weaknesses, even if those strengths are not always being applied. Building from strengths is leveraging on a more positive self-image, and typically yields greater results.
In addition, it is often best to praise effort over achievement. “You participated with heart and courage – over – You scored the most goals, or you’re the most flexible dancer. Linking approval and self-worth to effort, persistence, and having a positive attitude promotes a more sustainable self image. Whereas, only praising achievement creates a self image based on comparisons to others, rather than on self improvement. Even the most talented child will find others who are more talented. Like a dog chasing its own tail, they seek an unattainable goal of being the best to secure love and approval from their tribe.
Parents, teachers, and children’s comfort zones can get in the way of addressing personal growth issues. Parents need to be brave beyond our need to be liked and challenge our kids to be better. We may feel in time our kids will absorb the understandings and skills that they currently lack. Why stir the pot? Why bring up uncomfortable issues? Because, when we do not stir the pot, stuff gets burned. Our kids are going to get burned in life, it is inevitable. When we tackle the tough personal issues together, the difficult lessons in life are more easily absorbed. We can help kids to look forward to constructive criticism, to value self knowledge and growth, even if it is initially painful. How? By loving kids unconditionally while we challenge them to address their insecurities or weaknesses. Celebrate their strengths with an air of humility and gratitude. Celebrate and challenge, ingrains an attitude in the child that values themselves while equally valuing continuous growth.
Schools attend to the whole child, yet typically this environment favours academic excellence over self awareness and communication skills. Children can focus on school with far greater attention, when they are feeling safe physically, emotionally, and socially. When a child is distracted by insecurities, like being physically bullied, excluded, or generally unaccepted by their peer group, academics will not be a priority for them.
Even, the socially gifted and naturally confident kids will benefit from addressing their weaknesses or challenging their understandings that are limiting them in life. Therefore, I feel Life Skills or Philosophy Concepts are so relevant to children’s development.
Here is a concept to explore with your children.
Life is not fair, it is life, with ups and downs. With a great attitude you can be grateful for the ups and learn from the downs.
Share this wisdom with your kids when things are obviously going well. When they are not in crisis mode, the message can be more easily digested. Also, review this wisdom when things are obviously horrible. Encourage them to adopt a great attitude where they can choose to learn from any difficult challenge.
We can ask our kids whether they want to be bitter or better? Life will undoubtedly give all of us the opportunity to experience both, it is our choice of attitude that makes all the difference.
Namaste
Instructor Chris
Ang is kind, considerate and generous. She’s always thinking of how to help others. Ang also doubts herself and is unsure of her value. Her self-talk reflects fears about her worth. Ang, like us all, is a captive listener to her own thinking. Her negative thoughts reinforce the belief that she is not good enough.
There has always been good and bad, hot and cold and up and down. We are often reminded that opposites bring balance to the universe. It seems normal that left needs right, and our crops need both sun and rain. But do we really need unethical people who do unspeakable deeds to know what is right and to take right action? Perhaps, maybe, time will tell.
In today’s world of high-tech conveniences like robotics and automation, it can be challenging to provide children with meaningful chores that teach responsibility and service. Growing up, I had a never-ending list of farm chores posted on the fridge, and rainy days felt like a rare escape to explore the countryside. Many children today lack these work-life experiences that once shaped character.
Kids need to hear the straight goods regarding their behaviour, for without parents honest feedback they will continue to develop limiting thoughts and habits. If we are honest without being harsh, if we can share observations in a respectful and compassionate way, children will more likely take the time to truly look at themselves. Without a strong intention for self development, and in the absence of loving mentors, children will still learn, but at a much slower rate. Life’s lessons will tend to be more confusing and more painful. Children can better muster the courage it takes to be vulnerable and open to honest feedback from others when they have a foundation of acceptance and love from their caregivers. Children who learn to value transparent coaching will grow in maturity beyond their years.
From screen doors to tinted windows, filters are plenty helpful. On the other hand, conscious or unconscious mental filters might need replacing. Mental filters that only recognize information or experiences that are familiar or convenient and which disregard the unknown are problematic, limiting our personal growth.
People can become victims of crimes, diseases, or of bullish behaviour, yet they do have to act like a victim. Taking on the victim role is rooted in the belief that solutions lie outside of ourselves. In the case of a bullied person, the victim often feels the problem is only solved when the bully changes or is taken to task. However, if bullies suddenly changed their mean ways, we would not be presented with opportunities to become stronger. Because of bullies and adversities, we can learn to be assertive, resilient, confident, and trusting in our self worth. Aggressors rarely disappear at the first hint of disapproval, especially when we play the victim role.
Someone shared with me, that if you want to be helpful, be interested rather than trying to be interesting. Instead of impressing people, be present with them. When we want to reach out to see if someone needs a lift or a save, loose the charm and lead from your heart. Instantly, our contact becomes real, not predictable and superficial. Depending on the recipient, meaningful connections will either repel some or be a refreshing and welcomed alternative. Polite small talk has it’s place, however, be aware of signals that indicate a greater need.
True confidence is not a result of being recognized or valued by others. Being acknowledged for who you are or admired by others is wonderful, yet it is not a source of viable confidence. When we are secure enough to allow others to see our authentic selves, the good with the bad, then true confidence is ours.
Although rules are necessary, they need to be adaptive to our changing situations. Children eventually learn that rules are often modified or ignored. However, for young children rules keep them safe. Don’t touch the stove, don’t talk to strangers, always look twice before crossing the street. Having rules that provide the less experienced a chance to gain experience without dying first, is not a bad thing. So why are rules destined to be broken? Rules are generally simple, like an on - off switch. Yet, most of life’s choices exist somewhere between completely on and completely off.
Sometimes simplicity is too simple. Some situations require complicated means to achieve the best result. However, generally speaking, simple is best. As we age life often feels increasingly complicated. There is more information in our heads, we have more responsibilities, more dependents, and we may have more possessions to maintain. All this translates into greater worries about gain and loss. Maybe this is why some choose to uncomplicate life by living simply.