Viewing entries tagged
elders

Aging’s Positive Spin

Aging’s Positive Spin

Aging, a curse for some, earned wisdom and grace for others. It is interesting to observe elders. Some wear their years with grace and gratitude, while others tend to be grumpy broken windup toys.

Helping Children to Value Wisdom

Helping Children to Value Wisdom

Wisdom - how do we learn and earn insight, and how do we encourage children to value applied knowledge? Stories are common about children seeking wisdom from their parents and grandparents, or a young entrepreneur getting mentored by a seasoned businessperson. There are also contrasting stories where parents, teachers, and coaches are mocked for being outdated and possessing little relevant value. In some cultures, parents and grandparents are revered elders. These elders may not dress in the latest fashion, listen to modern music, or speak the nuances of their children’s generation. Typically, elders are less comfortable with computers and do not understand the endless references of social media that entertain our youth. Their value and connection are not about fitting in, being accepted, or in having common interests. Elders create connection through shared life experience and undying kindness. Elders connect with love and respect, even when that love and respect is not reciprocal.

An important question is, do your kids value your counsel, do they seek the wisdom of others and their challenging perspectives? In order for parents to nurture children to value information, candor, and experiences that will illuminate wise actions, we need to become a treasured mentor or elder.  It would be remiss to believe that children only want quick answers. They need relationships with elders to develop trust in themselves, to know that they are capable of wisdom. From interactions with elders, they learn the importance of unbiased information, opposing viewpoints and pausing to check in with their emotions. Elders provide a safe place for youth to touch base with their love and logic. These relationships create resiliency and confidence in youth, so that they begin to understand that all we can do is our best, in each moment and in each decision.

Elders have common traits that distinguish them as being a valuable asset to the next generation. Elders make themselves available. Elders create time to listen and have no time to judge. They share experiences, painful failures, and riveting adventures effortlessly. Elders don’t just share ideas; they involve youth by wrapping them up in the gift of their vulnerability.  Elders question youth in supportive ways, putting aside their personal agendas. They are inquisitive and caring and willing to let youth go through the pain that hones wisdom over time. Elders accept youth as they are, and where they are at. Despite setbacks, they trust in children’s greatness, which unlocks imaginations, stirs hopes, and expands dreams.

It would be unfair to characterize elders as superior beings who have all the right answers. One size fits all solutions rarely exists. Being the keeper of wisdom is not a pretense elders can afford, nor is ego. Youth sees through such facades. Elders are ordinary people who provide extraordinary service by being present, honest, and open to those around them. Elders don’t quit, even when the seeker does. Persistently patient, they instill positive belief, because that is what they give over and over. Given the chance, young people seek truth above shallowness; popularity, meaningless distractions, or relationships formed for only their personal gain.  Naturally, this perspective is not true of all youth, yet in their own time, most youth will rise to meet the challenges, especially when patient elders believe in their highest potential.

It is a common sentiment that parents feel like imposters when they step into the role of being an elder. When someone is trusting you with stuff that is real and raw about them, they have dispelled the notion of you as an imposter, for they have chose you as their elder. We too must rise to the occasion and believe in our ability to have something of value, to share. Regardless of culture, social status, religion or era, kids need elders and elders need the eager hearts and minds of children who will complete this beautiful cycle of wisdom and become elders themselves.

The highest form of wisdom is kindness.

Instructor Chris

More Content
Keeping it Simple
Keeping it Simple

Sometimes simplicity is too simple. Some situations require complicated means to achieve the best result. However, generally speaking, simple is best. As we age life often feels increasingly complicated. There is more information in our heads, we have more responsibilities, more dependents, and we may have more possessions to maintain. All this translates into greater worries about gain and loss. Maybe this is why some choose to uncomplicate life by living simply.

Three Wise Mentors
Three Wise Mentors

Ang is kind, considerate and generous. She’s always thinking of how to help others. Ang also doubts herself and is unsure of her value. Her self-talk reflects fears about her worth. Ang, like us all, is a captive listener to her own thinking. Her negative thoughts reinforce the belief that she is not good enough.

The Sandwich of Good and Bad
The Sandwich of Good and Bad

There has always been good and bad, hot and cold and up and down.  We are often reminded that opposites bring balance to the universe. It seems normal that left needs right, and our crops need both sun and rain. But do we really need unethical people who do unspeakable deeds to  know what is right and to take right action?  Perhaps, maybe, time will tell.

Entitlement
Entitlement

In today’s world of high-tech conveniences like robotics and automation, it can be challenging to provide children with meaningful chores that teach responsibility and service. Growing up, I had a never-ending list of farm chores posted on the fridge, and rainy days felt like a rare escape to explore the countryside. Many children today lack these work-life experiences that once shaped character.

Honest Communication – Feedback and Beliefs
Honest Communication – Feedback and Beliefs

Kids need to hear the straight goods regarding their behaviour, for without parents honest feedback they will continue to develop limiting thoughts and habits. If we are honest without being harsh, if we can share observations in a respectful and compassionate way, children will more likely take the time to truly look at themselves. Without a strong intention for self development, and in the absence of loving mentors, children will still learn, but at a much slower rate. Life’s lessons will tend to be more confusing and more painful. Children can better muster the courage it takes to be vulnerable and open to honest feedback from others when they have a foundation of acceptance and love from their caregivers. Children who learn to value transparent coaching will grow in maturity beyond their years.

Human Filters – Have you changed your filters lately?
Human Filters – Have you changed your filters lately?

From screen doors to tinted windows, filters are plenty helpful. On the other hand, conscious or unconscious mental filters might need replacing. Mental filters that only recognize information or experiences that are familiar or convenient and which disregard the unknown are problematic, limiting our personal growth.

Recognizing Victim Mentality
Recognizing Victim Mentality

People can become victims of crimes, diseases, or of bullish behaviour, yet they do have to act like a victim. Taking on the victim role is rooted in the belief that solutions lie outside of ourselves. In the case of a bullied person, the victim often feels the problem is only solved when the bully changes or is taken to task. However, if bullies suddenly changed their mean ways, we would not be presented with opportunities to become stronger. Because of bullies and adversities, we can learn to be assertive, resilient, confident, and trusting in our self worth. Aggressors rarely disappear at the first hint of disapproval, especially when we play the victim role.

Making Our Connections Count
Making Our Connections Count

Someone shared with me, that if you want to be helpful, be interested rather than trying to be interesting. Instead of impressing people, be present with them. When we want to reach out to see if someone needs a lift or a save, loose the charm and lead from your heart. Instantly, our contact becomes real, not predictable and superficial. Depending on the recipient, meaningful connections will either repel some or be a refreshing and welcomed alternative. Polite small talk has it’s place, however, be aware of signals that indicate a greater need.

True or False Confidence?
True or False Confidence?

True confidence is not a result of being recognized or valued by others. Being acknowledged for who you are or admired by others is wonderful, yet it is not a source of viable confidence. When we are secure enough to allow others to see our authentic selves, the good with the bad, then true confidence is ours.

Diminishing Rules Theory
Diminishing Rules Theory

Although rules are necessary, they need to be adaptive to our changing situations. Children eventually learn that rules are often modified or ignored. However, for young children rules keep them safe. Don’t touch the stove, don’t talk to strangers, always look twice before crossing the street. Having rules that provide the less experienced a chance to gain experience without dying first, is not a bad thing. So why are rules destined to be broken? Rules are generally simple, like an on - off switch. Yet, most of life’s choices exist somewhere between completely on and completely off.