Viewing entries tagged
family corner
Rules, guidelines, loving discipline, and role modelling of exemplary behaviour, is crucial to children’s development. Parents can easily sabotage this process by having double standards. This double standard is achieved by having a narrow set of expectations for our children, and an emotionally justified and much widder set of rules for ourselves.
Today’s parents have new challenges. Previous generations were kept busy feeding, clothing, and educating their kids, while even earlier generations of parents were preoccupied with just keeping their children alive. Parenting challenges that exist today, like learning disabilities, gender identity, ADHD, autism spectrum, along with heightened anxiety and depression, either didn’t exist in the past, or we were unaware of them.
Our children learn tremendous amounts from us parents, even things we do not want them to learn. They learn from our blunders and struggles as much as our successes. Typically, they learn most from our actions. Our day to day behaviours have the greatest impact on the views our children have about life and about themselves. Children learn from parents about how they should behave in order to be accepted. From parents they glean their values, and moral compass. Parents instill in their children what is important. Based on parents’ words and behaviours, kids formulate what is possible for them to achieve.
If we dream small and set low expectations for ourselves, safe as that may be, our kids will probably aspire to having low, easily attainable goals as well. Even if these goals are realized, self satisfaction is rarely achieved by reaching for mediocrity.
Children more readily aspire to loftier goals when optimism, courage and insight is role modeled. By setting the bar high for our own self growth, we create our greatest potential. Thus, our children learn not to limit their own abilities, but rather to seek their highest potential.
As parents grow personally, so will their children.
Instructor Chris
Ang is kind, considerate and generous. She’s always thinking of how to help others. Ang also doubts herself and is unsure of her value. Her self-talk reflects fears about her worth. Ang, like us all, is a captive listener to her own thinking. Her negative thoughts reinforce the belief that she is not good enough.
There has always been good and bad, hot and cold and up and down. We are often reminded that opposites bring balance to the universe. It seems normal that left needs right, and our crops need both sun and rain. But do we really need unethical people who do unspeakable deeds to know what is right and to take right action? Perhaps, maybe, time will tell.
In today’s world of high-tech conveniences like robotics and automation, it can be challenging to provide children with meaningful chores that teach responsibility and service. Growing up, I had a never-ending list of farm chores posted on the fridge, and rainy days felt like a rare escape to explore the countryside. Many children today lack these work-life experiences that once shaped character.
Kids need to hear the straight goods regarding their behaviour, for without parents honest feedback they will continue to develop limiting thoughts and habits. If we are honest without being harsh, if we can share observations in a respectful and compassionate way, children will more likely take the time to truly look at themselves. Without a strong intention for self development, and in the absence of loving mentors, children will still learn, but at a much slower rate. Life’s lessons will tend to be more confusing and more painful. Children can better muster the courage it takes to be vulnerable and open to honest feedback from others when they have a foundation of acceptance and love from their caregivers. Children who learn to value transparent coaching will grow in maturity beyond their years.
From screen doors to tinted windows, filters are plenty helpful. On the other hand, conscious or unconscious mental filters might need replacing. Mental filters that only recognize information or experiences that are familiar or convenient and which disregard the unknown are problematic, limiting our personal growth.
People can become victims of crimes, diseases, or of bullish behaviour, yet they do have to act like a victim. Taking on the victim role is rooted in the belief that solutions lie outside of ourselves. In the case of a bullied person, the victim often feels the problem is only solved when the bully changes or is taken to task. However, if bullies suddenly changed their mean ways, we would not be presented with opportunities to become stronger. Because of bullies and adversities, we can learn to be assertive, resilient, confident, and trusting in our self worth. Aggressors rarely disappear at the first hint of disapproval, especially when we play the victim role.
Someone shared with me, that if you want to be helpful, be interested rather than trying to be interesting. Instead of impressing people, be present with them. When we want to reach out to see if someone needs a lift or a save, loose the charm and lead from your heart. Instantly, our contact becomes real, not predictable and superficial. Depending on the recipient, meaningful connections will either repel some or be a refreshing and welcomed alternative. Polite small talk has it’s place, however, be aware of signals that indicate a greater need.
True confidence is not a result of being recognized or valued by others. Being acknowledged for who you are or admired by others is wonderful, yet it is not a source of viable confidence. When we are secure enough to allow others to see our authentic selves, the good with the bad, then true confidence is ours.
Although rules are necessary, they need to be adaptive to our changing situations. Children eventually learn that rules are often modified or ignored. However, for young children rules keep them safe. Don’t touch the stove, don’t talk to strangers, always look twice before crossing the street. Having rules that provide the less experienced a chance to gain experience without dying first, is not a bad thing. So why are rules destined to be broken? Rules are generally simple, like an on - off switch. Yet, most of life’s choices exist somewhere between completely on and completely off.
Sometimes simplicity is too simple. Some situations require complicated means to achieve the best result. However, generally speaking, simple is best. As we age life often feels increasingly complicated. There is more information in our heads, we have more responsibilities, more dependents, and we may have more possessions to maintain. All this translates into greater worries about gain and loss. Maybe this is why some choose to uncomplicate life by living simply.