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family corner
Rules, guidelines, loving discipline, and role modelling of exemplary behaviour, is crucial to children’s development. Parents can easily sabotage this process by having double standards. This double standard is achieved by having a narrow set of expectations for our children, and an emotionally justified and much widder set of rules for ourselves.
Today’s parents have new challenges. Previous generations were kept busy feeding, clothing, and educating their kids, while even earlier generations of parents were preoccupied with just keeping their children alive. Parenting challenges that exist today, like learning disabilities, gender identity, ADHD, autism spectrum, along with heightened anxiety and depression, either didn’t exist in the past, or we were unaware of them.
Our children learn tremendous amounts from us parents, even things we do not want them to learn. They learn from our blunders and struggles as much as our successes. Typically, they learn most from our actions. Our day to day behaviours have the greatest impact on the views our children have about life and about themselves. Children learn from parents about how they should behave in order to be accepted. From parents they glean their values, and moral compass. Parents instill in their children what is important. Based on parents’ words and behaviours, kids formulate what is possible for them to achieve.
If we dream small and set low expectations for ourselves, safe as that may be, our kids will probably aspire to having low, easily attainable goals as well. Even if these goals are realized, self satisfaction is rarely achieved by reaching for mediocrity.
Children more readily aspire to loftier goals when optimism, courage and insight is role modeled. By setting the bar high for our own self growth, we create our greatest potential. Thus, our children learn not to limit their own abilities, but rather to seek their highest potential.
As parents grow personally, so will their children.
Instructor Chris
No, in my experience there are times when applying conditions, or setting boundaries can create safer and healthier relationships or environments. We can even make judgements that enable us to make wiser choices. Usually, this type of judgement or disclaimer is intended to be both observational and helpful, or to provide rules of engagement that protect all concerned.
When we judge others harshly, it affects us as much as it affects those we judge. Even if the other person is unaware of our negative thoughts or comments, a judgmental attitude can erode our self-esteem. While it may initially feel satisfying to vent anger or express unkind thoughts, it leaves little room for self-forgiveness.
When we like someone, we appreciate their presence in our lives. We tend to like people we approve of, those whose conduct we trust. Likeable people usually demonstrate maturity, dependability, and thoughtfulness. Sometimes, we like others because they’re funny, help us relax, or share our interests and beliefs.
So, does this sound like your child?
A powerful gift we can give our kids is the ability to communicate effectively, honestly, and respectfully. Strong communicators are more likely to build lasting relationships, earn the admiration and trust of their peers—and even get promoted at McDonald’s. Our children’s needs and wants will also be taken more seriously when they learn to communicate clearly.
We are verbal creatures whose thinking is largely language based. We develop our own unique narratives and have internal dialogues with ourselves to make sense of life. We are both creating our thoughts and listening to them at the same time. Not only are we listening to our thoughts, but we also negatively judge them as well.
Sometimes simplicity is too simple. Some situations require complicated means to achieve the best result. However, generally speaking, simple is best. As we age life often feels increasingly complicated. There is more information in our heads, we have more responsibilities, more dependents, and we may have more possessions to maintain. All this translates into greater worries about gain and loss. Maybe this is why some choose to uncomplicate life by living simply.
Ang is kind, considerate and generous. She’s always thinking of how to help others. Ang also doubts herself and is unsure of her value. Her self-talk reflects fears about her worth. Ang, like us all, is a captive listener to her own thinking. Her negative thoughts reinforce the belief that she is not good enough.
There has always been good and bad, hot and cold and up and down. We are often reminded that opposites bring balance to the universe. It seems normal that left needs right, and our crops need both sun and rain. But do we really need unethical people who do unspeakable deeds to know what is right and to take right action? Perhaps, maybe, time will tell.
In today’s world of high-tech conveniences like robotics and automation, it can be challenging to provide children with meaningful chores that teach responsibility and service. Growing up, I had a never-ending list of farm chores posted on the fridge, and rainy days felt like a rare escape to explore the countryside. Many children today lack these work-life experiences that once shaped character.
Imagine we are a flag, and the wind is life’s experiences. When life is calm, we reflect stillness—relaxed, grounded, and collected. But when life gets hectic, we flap wildly in reaction to the windstorm of challenges. In those moments, we feel unsure, stressed, and out of control.