Bringing Grace into our Lives

When a person’s movements flow like water, they are graceful. When a person’s heart and mind unit in openness and love, they are infused with grace. Those in a state of grace are often absent of fear, while accepting a perilous reality, they are emotionally unaffected by it. In moments of grace, we are clear of unrelated thoughts, the mind is completely absorbed in current reality. An individual in grace can be totally out of their element, however, they utilize truth and love in astonishing ways. Physical grace requires dedicated practice, however, if the mind is chaotic, graceful movements are harder to achieve. Interestingly, a person’s body may be trapped in a state of disease or injury, but their heart/mind can flow with amazing perception and understanding.

How do we invite ourselves into a state of grace? An initial step is to ask ourselves if an open and loving consciousness is what we desire. If loving consciousness requires awareness of reality, an open and receptive mind to all experiences is essential. We need to let go of what we think we know to increase our receptive abilities.  Thinking that we are capable of complete understanding creates a rigid and judgemental mind which filters out our access to consciousness. A closed mind forms a vail between us and reality. By acknowledging that we don’t know what we don’t know, encourages inquisitiveness and gratitude. Arrogance uses filters to hide our insecurities, dulling our ability to listen to new and contrary opinions. We become stuck intellectually, and emotionally disconnected.

If grace is our goal, what changes do we need to make? Which thoughts, feelings, and behaviours do we grow, and which ones do we weed out? Ongoing questioning of our thinking and values is the openness that leads to greater awareness. This inquisitive process connects our hearts and minds to seek grace in every moment. Choosing reality, over preferences, over prejudices, and over what is self-serving, creates loving awareness.  Then, all we need is discipline to keep this practice alive. Perhaps, it is easier to think of discipline as will power, the power to consider positive change.

Another way to be in grace is to allow it. Practice seeing the best outcomes for everyone. Focus on intentions that serve the greater good. Be both accepting of self and others while committed to self improvement. Having goals and plans that remain fluid and open to change is helpful. Therefore, having attachments and fixed agendas are detrimental to developing grace. Being available to compassionately listen to people’s viewpoints despite our pessimism or fear, is indeed graceful. Grace is not about perfection, as openness requires the humility to be imperfect, to make mistakes, and to be constantly learning and evolving.

Being in grace, involves developing a heart that will not exclude people. How can a cruel person know the value of kindness, if we do not treat them with kindness, regardless of their behaviour? Holding people to their past deeds, expecting that they are incapable of change, discourages grace which has the ability to transforms lives. A person in a state of grace can disapprove of people’s conduct, while still holding space for them to do better. Forgiveness manifests grace, which translates to an acceptance and love that can flow to those who need it the most.

An unhealthy ego is the opposite of grace. Ego, edges – grace - out. Self importance, and the need to rise above others, is egoism hampering the flow of resources that are accessible to an open minded and humble person. Egotistical thoughts, obscures our reality. To protect our egos, stories are created that we tell ourselves to justify our actions, which further warps our reality. Discerning the truth of our thoughts, unearthing false beliefs, and exposing our insecurities, is the pathway to grace. This pathway becomes a superhighway when we take responsibility for our conduct and how it impacts everyone.

Loving ourselves for who we are now, encourages grace to rush to our side. With every attempt we make to restore grace, grace responds to us exponentially. When we accept that we have worth and potential despite our flaws, our dependency on the recognition and approval of others decreases. Now, more personal energy can flow towards what we want to create. Grace encourages us to believe in ourselves. Self doubt impedes grace. Without the fear of ‘not being good enough’, we become more present, more conscious. Thinking that clings to the past and future, rob us of grace, for grace is our commitment to love and reality in the present moment. So, by loving ourselves we can let go of other people’s perceptions about our worth. This is when our thoughts become clear, and our heart/mind is uncluttered. This may feel like we are experiencing no thoughts at all, only conscious awareness.

Another aspect that brings grace into our lives is our growing emotional intelligence. Feel and acknowledge all emotions. Challenge the uncomfortable emotions to a test of reality and truth. Fear is an example of an emotion that is not always logical, loving, or based in truth. Emotions are like breadcrumbs leading us to the truth, but only if we are willing to feel those emotions and then confront the reasons for harbouring them. As an example, jealousy is an emotion that is not good or bad to feel. However, experience shows us that behaving in a jealous manner causes harm. Feeling jealous and acting jealous are two very different things. By being aware of our jealous emotion, we can proactively express it in a positive, rather than destructive way. For example, fear may cause us to trash talk people that we are envious of, while grace can transform our jealousy into acknowledgement and support for other people’s talents. Love and acceptance of ourselves allows us to connect with others more easily. Feeling peaceful, during confrontational situations, means we are resting in the state of grace. Grace is loving consciousness in action. Concentrate on extending love in all directions, within and without, and grace will fill our lives.

Namaste,

Chris

Honour the Saboteurs

People in our lives whether family or strangers, may consciously or unawares, play difficult and painful roles for our benefit. Through adversity of all sorts, poverty, abandonment, rejection, neglect, domination, degrading, objectifying, or the endless forms of other abuses, these painful experiences set the stage for internal battles that we have for our self-awareness and personal growth. Our children, at times, may appear to sabotage our efforts, our peace of mind, and even the very life we envisioned for ourselves. Nevertheless, how we treat our kids when they disrupt our lives, helps us to learn how to deal skillfully with all saboteurs, those within our family, those outside our family, and those that live in our head.  Erroneous beliefs, low self-esteem and a fierce inner critic are some of our internal saboteurs that occupy our minds. Children generally will create stresses that allows parents to become aware of their mind’s pitfalls and traps. 

External saboteurs, for example, may include the neglectful grocery clerk, the bigoted car mechanic, the ‘know it all neighbor’, and other adult bullies, are all doing their part for our personal growth. The enemy is not the antagonistic person; they are the opportunity. The battle is not won by putting these people in their place or in winning the argument. These conflicts are about our own awareness, the battle is within to avoid impairing our own self-worth and inner peace. The battle is only with us!  Can we notice our ego, can we assess without judgment, and can we respectfully and with kindness seek the solution without having to lay blame or to project our fears and frustrations? Children and others will play roles to challenge our character; to test our insecurities, so that we may overcome our inner saboteurs. 

Though we prefer to learn from unconditional love, kindness, and support, let’s not ignore the dark side, where pain catapults us further along our path towards wisdom and happiness. It takes challenging times to create the conditions where our self-respect, self-love, and confidence, are truly forged, tested, and personally recognized. Eventually, our self-worth becomes more indestructible to outside or inside forces. These lessons in life are provided through an endless stream of human interactions, and relationships. Relationships, raw, genuine, and insightful or muted, medicated, and superficial, give birth to our increasing self-awareness. Either way, light or dark, we are going to learn sooner or later. As masters often express, “we often meet our lessons on the road that we take to avoid them.”  So next time adversity or a saboteur stares you in the face, just smile and embrace the opportunity, stay open and the lesson will become apparent. We can create a habit of meeting adversity with poise and grace by practicing gratitude.  Try showing gratitude for the people in our lives that push our buttons that trigger our fears, which we often display as anger. Instead of seeing them merely as a waste of skin, see them as opportunities for you to behave admirably while under stress.

Our personal cheerleaders, our friends who see only the good in us, are to be cherished as well. Yet, let’s give credit to the many not so supportive ones, who defy our logic and principles, who initially disrupt our peace of mind and who may bring out the worst in us. They offer unique, sometimes distasteful perspectives, negative and disrespectful behaviors, that beg us to practice a loving response. Can we stay peaceful, true to our values, respectful, and supportive while being wronged? When someone is sabotaging can we remain calm? Or do we descend to their level only to become outwardly annoyed and possibly confrontational? Often, we are annoyed because we allowed ourselves to be caught up in someone else’s drama. This annoyance is the mask we wear to hide or divert the anger that we feel for ourselves.          

Parents and children who are unhappy with their lives, see little worth or potential in themselves, they often vent their anger in irrational and harmful ways. Rather than blaming children, spouses, or ourselves, we could view all disrespectful actions as cries for help. The more irritating a child’s behaviour, the more they need our help. This help is best when it is loving, affectionate, understanding, and respectful. Gratitude towards the role saboteurs play in challenging and strengthening our character, rather than vilifying them, allows us to respond respectfully and lovingly.

Instructor Chris

The Story and the Actor

Many of us have heard the saying “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”  This idea that we are actors in our own story bears considerable truth. Most, if not all of us, have learned to act out various roles within a story that struggles to defines us. We play these different roles with others to secure greater safety, to be noticed, respected, and loved. The playing of numerous roles can be exhausting. The energy it takes trying to fit in with so many of our tribe is a misdirection that takes us further from knowing and developing the person that we wish to be.  

What if we had no story, no narrative that defined us, no role that we needed to play to feel accepted? What if all our wrappings in the form of appearance, social status, gender, age, and achievements could not possibly label us, or determine our value? If the story about ‘who we are’ got deleted, how might we portray our role, without a script guiding us? Perhaps we would resolve to being ourselves, regardless of who we are with. By letting go of all stories, reputations, first impressions, we could accept others and ourselves more easily, despite the wrappings. We may even grow to know who are real friends are.

Generally, a story has a beginning, a middle, and an end, with drama tying it all together. Many of us have grown up being influenced by stories that pique our interest by having good guys and bad guys, with the heroes and villains separated by conflict. Seldom do the actors stray from their roles and rarely is there a story that’s not centred around confrontation. It seems natural for us to create a narrative that explains and justifies who we are. Our drama becomes our justification or excuse for the areas in our lives that we are not proud of. Our stories have a job; to make us feel better about how others see us and to establish worth. Such as, I am an intellectual who’s knowledge is valuable to others, I am an athlete who is valued for their strength and abilities, I am always unlucky and yet I continue to survive. Our story and what our tribe values, largely determine the roles we choose to play.

At the cost of personal growth, our character often remains confined to the narrative we have created.  To feel accepted we stick to the script of what is expected of us. It may not be a happy story, but it is aligned to what we believe about ourselves. This begs the question if our story is truly our creation alone? Or is the narrative that we cling too, built not only by us, but includes the ideas of others that we have been exposed to? A story about us, that over time, we have been conditioned to believe.

Similarly, a full-grown elephant is conditioned from birth to be confined from roaming by being tethered in place by a rope attached to a ground spike. The baby elephant is initially constrained by its leash, yet each day forward only the memory and subsequent belief in the leash’s power can truly hold a growing elephant. People are also limited by beliefs that once had power over them, yet now, no longer reflect reality. The story that we tell ourselves of who we are generally emphasizes our limitations rather than exploring our potential. Memory and conditioning provide governors and restrictions over our abilities. Of course, these restrictions only work if we believe in them. Some of these self-regulating thoughts are imposed on us to protect us against poor judgement and ignorance. Telling a child that they can’t fly is one thing, constantly commenting on their clumsy and accident-prone nature, creates a story that can become a self-fulling prophecy. People’s imposed stories of our limited abilities are rarely accurate, as they are merely snap shots in time. As an elephant grows, it either overcomes old beliefs, or continues to be restricted by the illusions that it still believes in. So too are we diminished by mental programs or beliefs that we developed as part of our story, or the false notions that have been drummed into us. Either way the narratives that people use to be acceptable and to justify current circumstances are often based on old and erroneous ideas. Thus, the story we tell ourselves about who we are is the trap that holds us back. We may sabotage ourselves based on our past experiences, or by trusting in the labels that others have placed on us.

Stories can be entertaining and informative. Great stories can be transformative unearthing new perspectives which unlock our potential by challenging our belief systems. The stories that we tell ourselves and others, the running narrative that supports our drama, the self-dialogue that is our inner critic, are unnecessary. People play multiple roles to support their story, to prove to their community that they are lovable and capable.  Each person’s story does not need to be written from past failures. Additionally, our roles do not need to be determined by what others expect of us.  Life will unfold more easily when we are free of belief systems that tether us by our fears. Our past and current state only type casts our role if we believe that we are incapable of learning and changing.

Life is a stage, and we actors upon it, only if we live in a story. Let all stories go, challenge existing thoughts and beliefs that define us. Drop all labels and shed any identity like an old pair of shoes that no longer fit. With no attachment to an identity or story, we are free to be our best in each moment.  

Namaste

Instructor Chris

What Flows Within ~ Flows Without

If we are smiling inside, we glow on the outside. If sad on the inside, a cloud shades our normal sunny disposition. We do not need to hide our feelings from others, however if we wish to accentuate the positives, it is important to smile on the outside even when we are troubled on the inside. Our chemical makeup matters. Emotions influence our chemical state, which has a direct impact on our health.  It is important to recognize our emotions, learn from them, but then move past feelings that can become toxic over time. Let optimism and hope seep into our hearts and sooth our troubled minds. As the saying goes, ‘as within, so without’, our mental influence flows in both directions. Body language, mood, health, and disease are profoundly impacted by our thoughts. To place a smile on our lips when we are upset, awakens our optimism and hope. To giggle or belly laugh when we are in pain, lessens our suffering.

Restore interrupted joy by not concentrating on our pain. Stubbing our toe results in pain that signals us to avoid doing this again. When someone is yelling at you over the phone, we can politely hang up. We can also hang up on our pain signals. Once we have heard the bodies message that we are causing harm, we’ve got it. There is no need to replay it. Emotional confusion, mental anguish, our inner critic, are all flowing inside, affecting our bodies. Holding on to pain like anger or resentment causes toxicity within, thus anger destroys the vessel that contains it. Projecting or expressing our anger in harmful ways creates even more toxicity, within us and others. The goal is to not ignore pain messages while also learning not to magnify or dwell on our pain.

 Learning is not always painful, and it typically is not comfortable either. Pain is inevitable, yet we do not have to suffer by languishing in our destress. Replaying our failures while degrading oneself for past choices, does not address the issue. It is self-imposed punishment. Learning can be accomplished by facing our pain and then letting it go. Seek the answers to issues with peace, acceptance, and forgiveness inside. If our peace is crumbling within, flow gratitude, confidence, and happiness on the outside. Is this a distraction or a re-set button? Does it re- focus us away from our pain? Can we then explore the root cause of our suffering? Either way, summoning up a more positive disposition creates an advantage of optimism and hope. If we are emotionally wrapped up in fear, or anger, then our rational mind is impaired. Our ability to bring to the table valuable resources to deal with the issue is diminished, as the mind is not open, and our thoughts are dominated by fear. The angry mind is like a flower that has closed its pedals to protect itself from the outside elements. Once we acknowledge our fear and anger, we can open our minds to focus on solutions, understanding, compassion and connection.

When scared on the inside, smiling on the outside can free the mind, allowing it to progress forward. Einstein, shared with us that in order to solve a problem we need to utilize a different mind than the one that caused that problem in the first place. Problems can be made up of external adversities like a flood, or tornado. Our day-to-day problems are more typically a result of our choices and their resulting consequences. Effects of poor choices can cause just pain, or we can include learning opportunities. Sometimes our choices result in wonderful outcomes, and we fear we are a fraud, that we will not be able to live up to our success. Even great choices can result in mental strife. Addressing the core issue leads us to greater awareness which promotes wiser choices. Therefore, when we are struggling on the inside it is important to assist our minds and our internal chemistry to aid us in rising above being stuck. Regardless, if it is physical pain or the result of mental anxiety, break the cycle of rehashing it. When distress hits, force a grin, not to fool others, but to remind yourself to be optimistic, to be hopeful, it’s a learning process.  

Namaste Instructor Chris  

Being Unflappable

Imagine we are a flag, and the wind is our life’s experiences. When life is calm, we reflect stillness, we are relaxed, collected, centered, and feeling in control of ourselves. When life is hectic, we are flapping in reaction to life’s windstorm of arduous challenges. Unsettled, stressed, blown about, and feeling out of control as the wind tests and defies our inner peace. The constant stress of life’s turmoil, tears at the very fabric of our mind, disturbing our confidence and creating anxiety, doubt, and fear. As the wind of life’s experiences slows to a gentle breeze, our anxiety often remains, vibrating just under the surface, as we worry about the next storm.

Being unflappable is nothing to do with controlling the wind or being indifferent to life experiences. In our lives we have influence, attraction, perspective, and choice, but very little control. What we do have is our abundant ability to respond to life experiences with logic and love. It involves being aware of our thinking, eliminating illogical thoughts while questioning if our thoughts are more centered on love or fear. Next is our mindfulness to evaluate if our inner voice and communication with others is kind and truthful. Finally, we can assess our behaviour and its resulting consequences to determine if our actions are in alignment with our values. Our path to serenity is geared around awareness of how we behave towards our selves and others. It doesn’t take a lot of time, yet it requires a desire to be thoughtful, considerate, and the willingness to evaluate personal experiences by looking at our selves first. Taking responsibility for our behaviour is a must, without giving others the power to make us feel or act in ways that are not who we wish to be. Allotting people, the capacity to control us is an excuse, illogical, and leaves us helpless to change.  Happiness dictates us owning our thoughts, feelings, and choices.  

Thus, being unflappable, dependable, consistently good natured, steady and at peace, is an inside job and within our control. Therefore, although we have little control over how life unfolds, we do have control over how we chose to perceive and respond to life. It begins with honesty in our thoughts, words, and actions. When the wind blows adversity our way, we can take it personally, like the world is against us.  But that thought is illogical, a lie that we accept to provide excuses for our circumstances. Challenging the truth of thoughts like; there are lucky people and unlucky people, graced individuals who live a charmed life and those who are condemned to struggle, is a necessary mental exercise in cultivating our logical heart and mind. Thoughts that abdicate our responsibility to others gives us permission to quit, to fail without learning, but they are a trap that limits our growth. By challenging our old beliefs or persistent thoughts, we put the lies that limit us to rest. Another lie is that we are a success, or we are a failure. Failure or success is not an identity, they are not what defines us. Failure and success are our experiences, which usually come in that order. Failing and learning from failure is required for success. That mindset, builds perseverance, determination, resiliency, and a positive unflappable attitude which transforms our blundering into feelings of self-contentment. We can not have one without the other. Failures, setbacks, total reboots are part of the journey that leads to experiencing personal success. Allowing our minds to dwell on being upset, demonizing, or blaming our circumstances, allows the wind to toss us about, distracting us from learning. When we recognize that our mind is focused on passing the buck, complaining, and blaming, then we are on the right track.  When we assess our thoughts, tune them to be more logical, more truthful, we will see all adversity as opportunity for learning, which creates that unflappable demeanour.

What is the value of being unflappable? When we are less reactive, calmer, problems are taken in stride while we access more of our potential. The victim mindset is replaced with optimism and creativity. This positive approach allows us to see solutions and resources that frustration and fear had previously blocked. Our vision is open, willing, humble, and ready for the challenges that undoubtedly will come our way. The more we practice this mindset the more organic it becomes, until there is no need to counsel ourselves along this path, as our unflappable nature will automatically rise to meet any adversity.

Namaste

Instructor Chris

Talk Less - Listen More

Socializing is often dominated with talking with only partial listening. We talk to express our thoughts, to create a connection and to make an impression. We have conversations to gather information, to learn, to introduce an opinion or sway someone towards our point of view. If we are not too preoccupied by our own successes and problems, we can do more than just listen, we can read the other person. Like a good story, many interesting clues lie between the lines. Reading people is a fabulous talent, an art form that can endear us to our friends and family. They feel special in our presence because we really understand them. It is an appreciation for subtle interaction where the communicator is also heard for what they are not saying. Facial expressions, body language, tuning into true intentions, surmising the deeper meaning, requires intent listening, observing, and most of all, caring. Sometimes people’s words are not congruent with what their face is saying, or their gestures are not matching the message. Generally, people don’t wish to offend, are fearful of disapproval from their peers, and generally want to please. This leads to mixed messages where real objectives or preferences are hidden behind communication that is designed to help them avoid judgement and to fit in.

To read another person is to empathize with them emotionally and to discern the truth as best we can. To connect deeply with others requires less talk and more listening, or more precisely, greater mindfulness in our interactions. We do not need to become experts in micro expressions, however, we can increase our awareness to learn more about someone than merely taking their verbal communication at face value. Many of us aspire to be an outstanding friend or parent, who really gets what’s going on, who is approachable, trustworthy, and unconditionally loving. Therefore, when someone is sharing, let’s apply effort into unpacking the whole message. People, it seems, are communicating, even when they are not talking. Having someone who is receptive to us and who listens beyond our words is a huge support. How do we lend that support so that others will trust us, encouraging a more authentic interaction?

When people are feeling emotionally safe, they are more willing to risk, to reveal the layers of complexity that is their story. It takes thoughtfulness on our part to provide others the sense that they can trust us, a compelling message that they are safe in our company. It is the little things that we do and don’t do that encourages people to be themselves, to feel included, accepted and valued. It is wonderful, relaxing, and exciting at the same time when we have that kind of faith in another person. To feel you can be honest, open, and behave in accordance with who you truly are is a gift. Sharing with someone who reads you well, who cares to understand you, not to find fault and judge, but to empathize and connect is an uplifting experience. It is a rare, and unexpected opportunity, that we can strive to provide. However, if the other person has been hurt too many times, they may still choose to be reserved. Be patient, it is a gift that must be unwrapped when and if they are ready.

Besides being mindful, observant, and kind during conversations, the first impression often dictates whether this is to be a normal social exchange or something special. Being relaxed, honest, and concerned in the well-being of others, opens the door to conversations that we will fondly remember. Lighting up, displaying warmth, showing enthusiastic interest from the first moments of an encounter is key. Imagine being greeted by your pet after a long absence. From the tip of their cold nose to the wagging of their tail, a dog oozes delight. Obviously, their listening skills and acceptance are second to none. We immediately sense their happiness, just because we showed up. There is no judgement, no hoop to jump through, no need to impress, to be someone or something else. It is complete joy for our existence, and it feels good. Even when we are down, our pet will be persistently affectionate and undeterred by our negative mood. We are too valuable to be dismissed for being upset or indifferent. We are so important that our aloofness and even our actions of rejection, will not stop the love that they have for us. If we want people to feel safe and loved in our presence, we would do well to learn unconditional love from our four-legged friends. To foster impeccable listening, reading, and connection, here are some basic dos and don’ts.

Dos

·        Be honest and open

·        Be interested in what drives others and what holds them back

·        Accept people for who they are

·         Respect everyone, it is not about condoning their beliefs or actions, it is about being kind

·        Listen more than you talk

·         Be compassionate and practice empathy

·         Be calm and loving especially when others are fearful

·         Paraphrase often

·         Ask lots of questions

Don’t

·         Judge

·        Don’t confuse your opinion with what’s right for others

·        Be overly critical

·         Pass on painful emotions to others

·         Be content with small talk, risk discussions about important issues

·         Jump to conclusions or make decisions on assumptions

·         Take comments personally, chances are it is not about you

Namaste 

Instructor Chris

Being You - Authenticity and Integrity

Rejection is a powerful force that can cripple authenticity. If we believe demeaning labels that others place on us, we impair our abilities along with our potential contributions. We may become more like those labels due to our mental response of doubting ourselves.  On the other hand, praise, and flattery, can feed our egos, inflating our self-worth above others. Believing that we are superior to others is as damaging as believing we are inferior. Being authentic, does not mean we are above listening to helpful opinions and counsel. It means, that we accept that we cannot please everyone. Additionally, we have learned that we do not need other people’s approval to do what we feel is best. Being genuine means we are at peace with who we are, and value that person we are growing into.

Rejection is tough on most of us, it stings knowing that another person doesn’t appreciate who we are. But really, how can they have appreciation or know us, when we barely know ourselves. Individuals who reject others are like most of us, in a state learning, struggling, and bumping along. Therefore, people can be overly critical and fickle for many reasons, most of which, have nothing to do with us. We tend to reject what we do not understand, what we are jealous of, or fearful of. This is standard dysfunctional human protocol, that hopefully all of us with time and experience will grow out of. When we are angry, frustrated, and doubtful about ourselves it is unfortunate that we may displace this pain by striking out at others with our hurtful behaviours. If you take rejection poorly, it might be comforting to know that confident, loving people, rarely reject others. They may reject or criticize another person’s ideas or actions, but not the person. Wise and happy individuals do not lump the two together. Secure personalities, who are logical and compassionate, have no desire to hurt people, despite any differences. Therefore, rejections designed as personal attacks, come from people who are themselves hurting inside with their own overwhelming insecurities. In retrospect, this is not the crowd to take seriously.

Rather than taking their projected pain personally, we can filter it out. Growing a thick skin can result from implementing an attitude of not caring about the mud slingers. However, this solution protects our hearts by surrounding it with callouses. The price we pay for this strategy is becoming less compassionate. Alternatively, emotional resiliency, being rejection proof, results from caring deeply, as we realize that their harmful intentions is their issue, not ours. Caring for all individuals while refusing to own their problems, or accept their rejections is a strategy that can benefit both parties.

 Part of embracing authenticity is training our minds and hearts to not require the good opinion of others. Appreciating, but not needing the approval of others allows us to be consistently ourselves. Otherwise, we adapt to playing roles that we think will be accepted and respected by others. Playing the part that fits with other people’s favour, takes us further away from knowing and being our authentic self.

Taking full responsibility for our actions, for how we choose to express ourselves, is the price we pay for personal freedom. Freedom is the prize for having the courage to be true to your nature, beliefs, and values. Personal freedom is being free from constant self-doubts, worry and anxiety. It is an inner peace that is felt strongly when our behaviours are in harmony with our beliefs. Integrity and transparency are the consistent attributes of one’s character when we are truly ourselves regardless of prevailing circumstances. It is easy to be ourselves in favourable environments, with a supporting community. It is more challenging to be genuine under stress, when you have something to lose, when an overwhelming negative response is likely. The test of our character is, are we going to be the same person despite the changing winds of favouritism or rejection. We all will have the opportunity to face being true to our authenticity. This demands a high level of integrity where we value our word and actions above popularity and chose to apply it under stress.

Rejection then is a gift for us to assess our integrity, to live genuinely under any conditions. Without the rejection, exclusion, and degradation from others, we cannot truly build authentic character that will be stable and true to itself in both beneficial and hostile situations.  Authenticity demands integrity, integrity produces freedom.                   

Namaste

Instructor Chris